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Friday 31 January 2014

Masquerade

Masquerade
We may all be strangers here
But one can never know
The depths of dissimulation
A hint of assignation
The facial features behind the masks
The true expressions
The subtle nuance
The slight inflexions
Which may imply
A hidden meaning

To detect something real
Betrayed by flashing eyes
A curling of the lip
A movement of the mouth
Concealing private coldness
While expressing something warmer
In this all-too-public fancy dress
A costumed charade
A pretence of better feelings
But secrets held within
This phoney masquerade


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Thursday 30 January 2014

Elizabeth

Elizabeth

She walks and talks at the same time
usually muttering to herself
or shouting her opinions
at anyone who cares to listen

Her shambling gait
and aimless wandering
daily through the precinct
an habitual routine
a normal fixture
and commuter landmark
for regular travellers

Dirty and dishevelled
unkempt and unwashed
her florid face still lit with a smile
remnant of a faded beauty

Swaddled now in layers of clothing
thick coat and floppy hat
cardigans and jumpers
skirts and tights
gloved hands and fingers
gripping, grasping tightly
the string-crossed bags
which she carries with her
wherever she goes

She asks for nothing
demanding only time to listen
never seeking shelter
but slides off somewhere every night
living by her own her lights
by her logic and on her wits
A modern crazy lady
seemingly not unhappy
but sometimes over-loud
creating an awkward nuisance
which passers-by would ignore
if only she did not make them feel
so much more uncomfortable


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Wednesday 29 January 2014

High Wire

High Wire
To step out into the void
The wire shivering as it takes the strain
Of my weight upon it
Is to walk into an unknown
An empty darkness
The first few paces of the downward stretch
Towards the disappearing centre
High above the watchers
Who hold their breath
Their eyes pinned upon my every tremble
Until I establish balance
An equilibrium of mind and body

The deadly drop beneath
My out-stretched arms
Fingers tautly pointing
With limbered legs
And the distance to the Earth
Are of no immediate concern
Nor any aid to concentration
The only point of focus
Being one foot in front of another
Eyes upon the destination

Crowds and lights both disappear
Into a faded emptiness
Below my fragile body
As it seems to float along the rope
Blood pumping in my ears
The silence of air
The clarity of perfect quiet
Alone above the world
Determined not to tumble
Into the arms of death below

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014


Tuesday 28 January 2014

Tooth

Tooth

You hurt me so much
And made my life a misery
With your endless nagging,
Complaining and worrying,
Your feelings for me hot and cold
And though I tried to ignore you
You were always there in the background
A constant presence
A biting pain
That would not go away

In the end I couldn’t stand the pressure
That you placed upon me
The way you made my nerves tingle
The decay in our relationship
So I made up my mind
That life was far too short
For me not to be as happy
As everyone else
And that we just could not go on
Living together any more

And I went and took advice
From a professional
Who got to the root of the problem
And laid out all my options
And after I’d chewed the matter over
It was my own decision
To make a complete break with you -
I knew that we must be parted
It was the kindest thing to do
In the circumstances

I cannot deny
That it was painful at the time
And I felt a certain numbness
About your sudden going
You left a very big hole in my life
But time has a way of healing
And I’m feeling so much better now
So I’m sure it was the right decision


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Monday 27 January 2014

Franken-Furter

Franken-Furter (the monster of modern Frankenstein food)

What end is there to man’s ingenuity?
His ability, when he’s in the mood,
To engineer our daily intake,
And bugger about with our food.

You’ve just got to read a few labels,
Although the print’s incredibly small,
To discover what it is they’re up to,
And find out how they’re conning us all.

Don’t get me started on sausages:
They use lots of the skin, sinew and some bristle,
Rusk, knuckle, a blizzard of gizzard,
And then add in plenty of gristle.

From slurry, and factory-floor sweepings,
And bits left over I’ve discovered,
“Chopped and shaped”, and certain “selected cuts”,
And also “mechanically-recovered”.

Then to make it frozen, or microwaveable,
You’d be surprised at what they have to do:
Colourings, flavourings and texturings,
With modified starch and other bits of goo.

Then they add extra sugar and some salt,
Followed by several e-numbers,
Preservatives and acidity agents,
And God knows what they’ve done to cucumbers.

There’s modifiers and regulators,
Emulsifiers and some thickeners,
Stabilisers and other weird stuff -
It’s a wonder it don’t sicken us!

They hide the grams of saturated fat -
They don’t like their product to look flaccid,
So they pump in fructose and glucose syrup,
Topped up by di-glycerides of fatty acid.

Glazing agents and flavour enhancers,
All the things that we’re supposed to hate:
Add a dash of something not natural,
Plus monosodium glutamate.

It all goes in to our processed foods,
Not just Cheesy Wotsits and Turkey Twizzlers,
But chicken nuggets, and ready dinners,

Pizzas, pies and those meaty sizzlers.

But they make it sound so attractive:
Branding family members sounds less messy:
John West, Mother’s Pride and Daddie’s Sauce,
Then there’s Uncle Ben and Auntie Bessie!
                                   
These packagers have a lot to answer for:
Food scientists mucking about with our cheese,
Selling heart-attacks on a plate,
Hiding the grease and making us highly obese.

Never mind the Scots loving fried Mars Bars,
Or cream teas, chocolate or late-night kebab,
They’re pumping too much gunk into our food,
And slowly turning us all into flab.

So we’ve all got to wise up a bit,
About calories and carbs – it’s not too late -
Just look out for their “serving suggestions”,
And avoid anything “made from concentrate”.

Avoid chicken masala-type pizza,
Don’t eat Dogburgers, unless you’re bent,
And look out for the magic words on labels:
“Beware: May Contain Nourishment”.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Sunday 26 January 2014

News From Bromham - Dateline Sunday 26th January 2014

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – Sunday 26th January 2014

Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

1.       The village is in shock this week-end after it was revealed that Dave Wentwrong, leader of Bromham Parish Council, announced that his long-term relationship with his wife, Valerie Rottweiler, was at an end, and that she will no longer fulfil the role of “First Parish Councillor”.  It brings to an end weeks of speculation that Mr Wentwrong has been having an affair with the woman at No. 47 on the High Street.

2.       Both sides in the increasingly bitter Devizes civil war were finally persuaded to sit down and talk in the same room of the Civic Centre yesterday, but only under the auspices of the Umpalumpa Network (UN).  The talks, dubbed “Trowbridge 2” by the media, are expected to go on for several weeks, or until everyone else has completely lost interest.

3.       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Friday 24 January 2014

Awakening

Awakening (on the re-awakening of the Rosetta probe in deep space, ready to begin its mission to attempt a landing on a comet. I tried to imagine how this awkward teenage piece of technology would feel upon being rudely woken up.)

It’s bad enough that they’ve sent me out here,
Within the deep, dark frontiers of space,
In some wide-ranging lonely orbit,
‘Cos out near Jupiter’s a damned dingy place.

Worse – they’ve left me to float inactive,
Beyond home planets, out here in the deep,
But now they’ve had the gall and damned cheek,
To expect me to just wake up from my sleep.

They sit there back at home in some comfort,
Saying “Time to wake up, Rosetta!”
After I’ve been snoozing for nearly two years:
To be honest – I wish I felt better.

I just want to hit the snooze button,
To silence this intruding alarm,
To stop this electronic ringing,
Shut the damn thing up, to get back to calm.

But hibernation’s no longer allowed:
Seems I’ve got to spring into action,
And get my antennae and boosters shifting -
They want to continue the transaction.

There’s a task I’m programmed to complete,
An endeavour I just can’t avoid,
The transmission said “complete your mission:
Time to start chasing that asteroid!”

It’s a dangerous, elliptical task,
With a flight-path light-years beyond Mars,
I know I’ll vomit when I get near the comet,
But if I miss, I’ll be out there in the stars.

How I wish I could come back home again,
Where I was made, the place of my birth,
I’ve found it’s no fun, out here near the Sun,
Please! Can’t I return to the Earth?

Or at least let me return to my slumbers,
Let me go back to the realm of my dreams,
Find some other bundle of hardware,
To accomplish your plans and your schemes!

Let me re-fold my solar panels,
Let my circuits cool down and then,
If I just ignore my own software,
I could get back to sleep once again.
  
Just let me pull back over my covers,
For this task I wish I hadn’t been built.
Can’t we just say I’m having a duvet day,
As I sink under my electronic quilt?

So if you lot think you’ve got a hard life,
As you struggle to stifle a yawn,
Just think of me out here in deep space,
Next time the alarm clock goes off in the dawn.

I’ll be out here chasing the comet’s tail,
Although I’m told at the end of this test,
As my new ongoing incentive,
They’re going to let me have a VERY long rest!


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Thursday 23 January 2014

Pondering Peacocks

Pondering Peacocks

Waking slowly from a drowsing sleep
As morning light intrudes itself
Creeping unbidden under eyelids
At the very edge of dawn
Still faint and frowsy
As the last lingering strands
Of dreams and rambling thoughts
Stretch out longer and longer
Until they gently snap
The final threads of contact
With night-time places
Which then recede and fade
Among the tangled bedclothes

Intrusive worries for the day ahead
The grey, the mundane
The heavy, usual round
Of tedious tasks and dreary chores
The things that must be done
People that must be met
Appointments kept
And all the other things
Demanded by one’s daily life
Prompted by the relentless movement
Of digits of the bed-side clock

But reluctant yet to make that start
And time, being only relative
The sheets and pillows feel still warm
Clinging and making calming claim
Upon the tired, restless body

The hour is yet but early
There is still a tiny chance
To conserve some precious energy
And preserve some mindful meanderings
To postpone the inevitable
And hold the last few moments
Of some happiness within
By thinking of better things
Floating into vivid colour
And pondering perhaps
Upon peacocks


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Wednesday 22 January 2014

Dull

Dull

Dull
Lonely
Unwanted
Never picked
Left sitting on the wall
Till the very last choice
Then reluctantly taken
Like the useless booby prize
And told to keep away from the action
Too plain to be noticed
Too dull to talk to
Too boring to worry about

Melting into the crowd
Indistinguishable from the others
Without feature in a grey world
Totally unremarkable
Lifeless and uninspired
Never invited
Nor sought after
Always passed over
And forgotten about

Awkward
Unimaginative
Unsure how to talk to others
Or what to talk about
Unable to understand
What might be on their minds
No conversation or social graces
Too vacuous to be original
Empty and without pattern

Not seen as anyone special
Or different enough
To be become anyone’s friend
To merit the slightest attention
Or to be talked about
But easily overlooked
Un-noticed and ignored
Totally unexceptionable
Never missed
Always alone
Lonely
Dull


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Old Lady

Old Lady

Under shady branches
Gnarled and knuckled
Scabbed and twisting
Lie windfalls softly cradled
Cushioned in the dewy grass
Bruised and slowly browning
In the hazy sunshine
Sweet juices fermenting
Into heady cider
Intoxicating the lazy wasps
And the blackbirds
Which feed upon the crop
Sipping the late abundant nectar

She leans slightly to one side
Like a hobbled old lady
Her trunk bent beneath the weight
Of twigs and leaves and fruits
Her aged limbs
Weathered, wind-buffeted
Her bark rough and leathery
Skin rotted and cankered
Her shape crooked and disfigured
Diseased, hard and broken
By the passing years

Yet still the sap must rise within her
Re-awakened every Spring
To produce abundant blossom
Pulling in the pollinators
To create a canopy-full
Fertile with heavy fruits
Of such acid sharpness

Silhouetted in her twilight years
She stands defiantly alone
Never part of any orchard
But fiercely rooted
Through every season
Crabbed in her corner of the garden
But still verdant, fruitful, useful


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Monday 20 January 2014

Buffalo Chicken Wings

Recipe for: BUFFALO WINGS (Spiced chicken wings)

Ingredients:

·         A great big pile of chicken wings (cut the thin tips off & joint each wing into two to leave bite-size pieces on the bone)
·         2 cloves garlic, peeled & crushed
·         1 tblsp olive oil
·         1 ½ tblsp cider vinegar
·         1 tsp parika
·         1 tblsp Worcestershire sauce
·         2 tblsp tomato puree
·         1 tsp salt
·         2 tblsp pepper sauce – choose how hot/ intense you want the wings to be!)
·         2 tblsp clear honey

Method:

1.       Prepare the chicken wings, and place them in a large bowl with some room to be able to stir them around.
2.       In a separate bowl, mix all the other ingredients to form a hot, sticky marinade.
3.       Taste & adjust as you see fit, depending on how spicy you want your wings.
4.       Pour the marinade over the wings, and turn them over to coat everything thoroughly.
5.       Cover and stick the bowl in the fridge for as long as possible.  Overnight is good.
6.       Stir/ turn the wings in the marinade a few times.
7.       When you are ready to cook, heat the oven to 180C/ fan 170C/ gas 4.
8.       Drain the wings and reserve the marinade.
9.       Spread the drained wings onto a large baking sheet, spacing them out as much as possible.  If there’s a lot, use two trays rather than crowd them – they need to bake, not steam.
10.    Bake for 30 minutes, then pour off any excess oil that has gathered on the tray.
11.    Baste the wings in some of the marinade, then return to the oven.  Turn the oven up by 10-15C, because we want the edges of the wings to start catching in the heat.
12.    Bake for another 15-20 minutes, basting with marinade 2 or 3 times.
13.    The wings should be sticky & glazed, with most of the liquid/ marinade evaporated or poured off.  That means dry, not floating in a sauce!

What else you need to know:

1.       Serve on a warmed large serving platter, sprinkled with chopped coriander and/ or spring onions.
2.       Provide plenty of napkins/ kitchen towel as the wings are wonderfully messy, and a bowl to catch all the discarded bones.
3.       The traditional American accompaniments are sticks of raw carrot and raw celery, together with a blue cheese dip/ dressing.  No idea why, but they do, and it works just fine!


Sunday 19 January 2014

News From Bromham - Dateline Sunday 19th January 2014

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – Sunday 19th January 2014

Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

1.       Bromham Crown Court has been busy this week, as nearly every court-room was being used to process the constant stream of local celebrity octagenarians being prosecuted under the 1927 Goat-Nadgering (And Related Farmstock) Abuse Act. Goats and sheep as old as 12 have been coming forward to make formal complaints to the Police that they had been interfered with over the past 12 months, in a range of outdoor locations in the area.

2.       Excitement is building in anticipation of the opening of the Wiltshire Winter Olympics at the new multi-pound Sodyou site on the edge of the village.  Security has been tight, with foot patrols in the High Street having been stepped up to once an hour.  There is also a rumour that, during the Games period, the X33 bus service will include an extra journey calling at Bromham (Wednesdays only).

3.       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Saturday 18 January 2014

Icarus About To Fall

Icarus About To Fall

How is it possible to climb
So far, so high, so clear
Into this acid-blue, cloudless sky
And to feel the warmth
Upon naked back and limbs
After so many years
Of cold confinement
Down there in the dark
With dearest Daedelus?

Who would not wish to flee
From an unjust captivity
Subject to Minos’ punishment
For earth-bound earlier sins?
Or desire to end the pain of a father
Whose cautious warning
Betrays his fractious fearfulness?

And how may mere wax and feathers
Fashion human wings
That may lift a sluggish body
Prising it from the clutching fingers
And heavy prisoning grip of Earth
To let it soar and glide
And fly, dazzled, towards Helios?

And why not tempt the gods
By reaching the height of eagles
Stretching sinews
Facing the blinding glare
Of solar brightness?
Or glance down towards the sea
To gain a glimpse of Paros, Delos
And Samos far below?

How close might one fly
To the hot, burning disc
That radiates its vital force
Before being forced to turn away
To avoid tumbling from the heavens
Falling headlong to a certain death
And perishing beneath the ocean spray?


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Friday 17 January 2014

A Corner Turned

A Corner Turned

And now the thing is done -
The post that seemed so far away
That never would be reached
Has become a milestone passed along the way
Already long behind me
Fading into hazy distance
A cross-ways of sorts
A turning-point achieved

Breath exhaled and a sigh released
Then confident strides along
A new and different path
As it stretches out ahead
The course a changed one
The direction of travel
Along a new trajectory
Perhaps towards the same horizon


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Thursday 16 January 2014

Radioactive

Radioactive

I’ve had this little operation,
On the theatre table laid prostrate,
They’ve fixed me up, and I’m good to go,
Now they’ve irradiated my prostate.

Yes they treated me with radiation,
With hundreds of tiny little seeds,
Now I’m full of alpha particles,
That will soon provide for all my needs.

I’ve got my own internal power source,
Which is a most important factor.
Now I’m a little generator,
Like a tiny nuclear reactor.

This fusion makes me glow in the dark,
Just like the ad with the Reddy-Brek kid,
And if the nation gets short of power,
They’ll just connect me to the National Grid.

Now you’ll see I’ve got a new demeanour,
That there’s a special quality to my gaze:
It comes from a sense of inner power –
Well - that and I’m transmitting gamma rays.

And it’s bound to make me so much fitter,
A claim I think you’ll find is fair,
Cause now I can only go out and about,
If I’m sporting my lead underwear.

These hot spots of uranium
Provide me with lots of future hope.
It’ll take me decades to decay,
Thanks to the half-life of my isotope.

And now I’m fit and full of energy,
A Geiger-counter provides the metric:
I’m a low-carbon, lean, green machine,
And I generate my own electric.

Not only that: there’s something else to tell -
This medical advance that’s come to pass,
Means that now I have this inner light,
So the sun really does shine out my ass.

There’s only one cloud on the horizon,
Something that might cause me to frown:
There could perhaps be a nuclear accident,
And my innards might go into melt-down.
  
So just be careful when you come to bury me:
It might have be a very long way down.
You won’t want me in your neighbourhood,
So it’ll have to be a long way out of town.

Anyway, there’s only one thing puzzling me:
Now that I’ve become radio-active,
And that I’m fully solar-powered,
Does it make me any more attractive?


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014

Wednesday 15 January 2014

Frozen Fruit Yoghurt Pots

Recipe for: FROZEN FRUIT YOGHURT POTS

Ingredients: (makes six):

·         150g white chocolate
·         150g frozen mixed berries (or just one fruit)
·         225g soft cream cheese
·         450g low fat natural yoghurt

Method:

1.       Break up chocolate into small pieces and melt gently in a bowl over some hot water & set aside.
2.       In a separate large bowl, mix the yoghurt & cream cheese, then add the frozen fruit & mix well.
3.       Pour the melted chocolate into the yoghurt berry mixture, mixing well.
4.       Spoon into 6 ramekin dishes.
5.       Freeze for about two hours, or overnight.

What else you need to know:

1.       To serve, remove from the freezer 20 minutes before serving.
2.       If frozen for more than a couple of hours, take out at least an hour before serving.

3.       Either way, grate over a little fridge-cold white chocolate.

Tuesday 14 January 2014

Invaded

Invaded

It’s not a matter of consent
The permission to invade
To come within the confines of my body
Nor the medical necessity
Of timely intervention
But the very intrusion itself
The cutting of skin and tissue
The breach of orifice
Entrance by main force
From outside to inside
External to internal
The insertion of pipes and wires
Needles and probes
Cameras and computers
To break into the inner cavities
Among the blood and nerves and organs
That normally pump away unseen
To effect the needed repairs
That will keep me alive
To live another day
And have the breath to complain
Of the pain of violation

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014


Monday 13 January 2014

Potatoes Dauphinoise with Horseradish

Recipe for: POTATOES DAUPHINOISE with HORSERADISH

Ingredients: (serves 6-8)

·         500ml/ 18fl oz double cream
·         500ml/ 18 fl oz milk
·         3 garlic cloves, peeled & crushed
·         3-4 tblsp hot horseradish sauce
·         8 large King Edward or Maris Piper potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced

Method:

1.       Tip the sliced potatoes into a large pan with the milk, cream, garlic & horseradish
2.       Bring to the boil, then simmer gently for 8-10 mins until semi-tender
3.       Whilst the potatoes are cooking, heat the oven to 190C/ fan 170C/ gas 7
4.       When the potatoes are part-cooked, tip everything in the pan into a large oven-proof dish, and cook for 30 minutes.
5.       When the potatoes are cooked & the mixture is bubbling, raise the oven temperature to 220C/ 200C fan/ gas 9 and finish off for another 10-15 minutes to start browning.

What else you need to know:

1.       This dish is rich & silky & delicious.  Goes well with most cooked meats & casseroles.

2.       Can be part-cooked, then removed from oven to cool.  Once cold, cover with foil. Reheat with a 30-minute blast in the oven, until piping hot & starting to brown.