Angry

Angry

It’s not disappointment

Nor confusion, nor frustration

The feelings you seem to think I’m having

Your training tells you I’ll be shocked

Surprised and overwhelmed

By information overload

Unable to take it in

As though it’s far too much

But that’s not it at all

No - I fully understand

I’m simply focused on your voice

The reassuring practiced tone

There’s no beating about the bush

No use of euphemisms

But the bare and brutal truth

Your honesty in coming straight to the point

Leaving no room for any doubt

But after that it’s very different

A sudden closing darkness

On the periphery of vision

A caving-in of walls

A falling, breaking sky

And a hard shattering of light

Brilliant glittering crystals

And cracking blood-red beads

Shimmering sparkles

Cascading to the floor

Where they settle

Puddling in pools around my feet

And then a quietness

An emptying of sound

Except the echoing noise

That is the droning of your voice

Still talking options and decisions

Through the shit-storm

That fills me up

Quivering and shaking

A rising gorge

A boiling up of anger

A towering rage

Cowering under the enormity

Of the scale of this miserable betrayal

The depth of disappointment

That my own body should dare to let me down

And fail to go the distance

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014