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Wednesday 21 October 2015

Manopause

Manopause

You can see I’m not the youngest of men,
And getting older’s one of Nature’s laws,
But I was amazed to find that this state,
Has a name – and it’s the Andropause!

I thought “bloody hell! It’s named after me!”
And apparently it happens to males,
So here I am in my (ahem) early fifties,
Hanging on to youth by my finger-nails!

I thought I’d better get on and take action,
To counter the loss of libido and sterility,
Between my mid-life and Alzheimers,
And to get back some of my virility.

Now I’m a Man Behaving Badly,
Re-stating what it is to be male -
I’ve started learning guitar and the uke,
And I’m growing my hair for a pony-tail.

The mountain-bike is order,
And, cos I don’t want to look like a Charley
I’m going to get me a motor-bike,
Which, of course, will be a Harley.

That’s what I’ll ride in good weather,
But I’ll need something cooler of course,
So I’ve been round to the dealers,
I’ll soon take delivery of my new Porsche.

I’m having my ear piercing tomorrow,
To show you all that I’m one of the few
And, to complete the picture, next week,
I’m going in for my very first tattoo.

Then I’ll wear my baseball cap with pride,
Pulling it down low over my eyelids.
I might have to have some work done there,
But I’m determined to get down with the kids.

You see it’s not all testosterone and Viagra,
And I say this without any compunction,
There’s more ways than hormone treatment
To ward off erectile dysfunction.

No – the hot flushes and flashes,
The irritability and sterility can wait -
There’s a lot more to be worried about,
Such as the state of my prostate.
  
I may be losing my hair and my marbles,
Gradual decline may be a part of the story,
But I’m determined to hang on to my manhood,
And go out in a grand blaze of glory.

You see some of it may be biological,
But it’s psychological, to tell you the truth,
I’m a grumpy old man, sporting a fake tan,
And I’m trying to hang on to my youth.

So you can all look at me and laugh,
As you sit there with your slack jaws,
But I won’t be the one who’s declining -
I’m off to defeat the Manopause.


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015

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