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Sunday 11 October 2015

News From Bromham - Dateline Sunday 11th October 2015

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – Sunday 11th October 2015
                                             
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

1.       The scandal involving the Village Watercress (VW) is set to spread. It now appears that, in independent tests, the nutrition benefits of eating large quantities of the vegetable may have been exaggerated.  People eating the stuff in real life have not been blessed, as claimed, with good digestion, clear skin and greater intelligence, but instead with flatulence, loss of libido and mange.  Vast quantities of carrots, parsnips and brussels sprouts are now set to be recalled in an attempt to avoid class-action suits from disgruntled vegetarians.  Meat and fish-eaters were said to be unaffected by the scandal, but subject to a certain amount of smugness.

2.       The Social Secretary of the Field Land-Owners Party (FLOP), Theresa “Might” Piglet made a speech to the Parish Council on Thursday.  In what has been described as a “divisive” speech, she claimed that incomers to the Village were causing havoc to the racial and genetic purity of the place.  In the Enoch Powell “Rivers Of Blood” Memorial Lecture, Ms Piglet warned that traditional “Bromham Values” were being compromised, and that the future of the Bromham Institute For The Terminally In-Bred was being put at risk.

3.       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015

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