Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday
21st May 2017
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Devizes:
1. Confusion
in The Vize this week as all the main parties variously leaked, lost, published
and/ or defended their various manifestos in the upcoming election for the new
Town Council. The Wessex Wailers and the
Wiltshire Wombles were at total loggerheads over the issue of taking complete
control of the railway network in the area, until the Lib Dems pointed out that
The Vize hasn’t actually had a rail link since the 1960s, and the Greens wanted
to turn it into a cycle path anyway. The
Blues are pushing for public executions for littering and poor parking, to be carried
out in the Market Place every Monday morning (Bank Holidays excepted). The Reds would like to increase Council
spending by building a by-pass – preferably through the middle of Poulshot (because
nobody actually like Poulshot). However,
following a snap poll, it was confirmed that the Apathy Party is currently in
the lead.
2. And
in Society News, tremendous excitement in the town this week, when a D-list minor
celebrity (whose name no-one can actually remember), but with a famous arse,
married a man nobody knew about. The
man, with no known redeeming features, was not available for comment. No-one knows what first attracted the
socialite to the millionaire banker.
Nearly seven people attended the short service at St Knickerless
church. The vicar requested that
confetti should not be thrown in the churchyard. The reception was held in the Cellar Bar of
The Crippled Donkey public house, and three sausage rolls were left over at the
end. And people say that not much ever
happens in this town.
3.
For
details of these and all other Devizes stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station D-Town F-off.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2017
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