Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday
28th May 2017
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Devizes:
1. Passengers
were left stranded in the town over the entire bank holiday weekend when the
main computer system for BA (Buses Anonymous) went down. The PC which stores the bus timetables and
fare tables, which was locked inside the company’s HQ, went into meltdown after
it automatically began to install a Windows 10 upgrade. The bloke with the key to the office had gone
away for the weekend and could not be reached.
In one incident four buses all arrived at the same time in an attempt to
run the 10.33 service to Trowbridge.
Passengers looked on in amazement as the buses jockeyed for position at
the bus stop, culminating in a fist-fight between the drivers. Elsewhere no services were running as the
buses remained in the depot, unable to depart.
Taxi drivers in the town welcomed the news and said it was the best Bank
Holiday week-end they’d had in years.
2. The
Town Council has been hosting the latest environmental talks for the known universe, i.e. Wiltshire. The meeting coincided with the world tour of
Donald Dump, the celebrity climate change denier, who dropped in to the gathering
to give the its members the benefit of his views. The atmosphere, which was described as “colder than Frosty The
Snowman” by one delegate, was so bad that Wiltshire’s climate has now actually
improved, since the temperature dropped by 1C.
No polar bears were harmed in the making of this report.
3.
For
details of these and all other Devizes stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station D-Town F-off.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2017
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