An Idiot Abroad

An Idiot Abroad (or the dilemmas of trying to choose a holiday this year)

I could be gay, with a good holiday,

If there was any point choosing,

No, not even for boozing.

I’d be keener to be in Kenya,

It’d be neat to go to Crete

No, I just can’t compete.

I could do loads, over in Rhodes,

Or be well fed, while in the Med,

So I’ll stop home instead.

It’d be bliss, on the canals of Venice,

Or have a nice piece, walking in Nice,

I can’t even afford Greece.

I’d get fresh in Marrakesh,

The streets I’d comb, when in Rome,

I think I’d better stay home.

I wouldn’t be at a loss, if I went off to Kos,

It’d be a great day in Montego Bay,

But I guess in Wiltshire I’ll stay.

I could take her to Jamaica,

She’d be glad in Trinidad,

So she’ll only be sad.

I wouldn’t fear her in Madeira,

I’d talk to her in Majorca,

But we can’t even get to Minorca.

She said I was a wanker in Sri Lanka,

Why couldn’t we loll, on the Costa del Sol?

(She’s not always a doll).

I could be ruder in Bermuda,

Or be a dago in Tobago,

But I just can’t afford to go.

It might be finer in China,

I long to be in Hong Kong,

So it’s here I belong.

It wouldn’t be hell in The Seychelles,

My heart reaches for their beaches,

It’s what economics teaches.

I hear it’s grotty in Lanzarote,

I’d be a goer over in Goa,

Morale just couldn’t be lower.

I wouldn’t be a charley in Bali,

But I’d be free in gay Paree,

And it’s the World I want to see.

Just a breather in Ibiza,

Or we could booze on a long cruise,

There’s just nothing to choose.

So no more of package tours,

My best friend just wouldn’t lend

So it looks like a week in Southend.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018