tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30333765460172932822024-03-19T08:47:12.242+00:00Barred From BromhamBeing the demented ramblings of a Yorkshireman forced to live Down South.barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.comBlogger3681125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-12590718967576663372024-03-10T08:10:00.000+00:002024-03-10T08:10:00.943+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 10th March 2024<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 10<sup>th</sup> March 2024</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Following
various interviews given by Town Councillors, detailed instructions have now
been issued to D-Town citizens on how to load a washing machine (and what
programme to use), how to stack a refrigerator for optimal storage, and how to
iron a shirt properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Previous guidance
on washing-up, cooking a three-course meal and emptying the bins should be
ignored, as once the councillors have been interviewed again, new guidelines
are expected to be issued. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
it has also been announced that bus-routes in the borough are to drop the
route-numbers, with which they’ve been associated since Jesus was a boy, in
favour of new woke route names.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Details are
still to be finalised but the D-Town to TrowVegas route may be named The
Shirtlifter Line, D-Town to Chippenham as The County Line(s) and D-Town to The
Sham as the Take Life In Your Own Hands Line. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-32396878147807964672024-02-25T15:56:00.000+00:002024-02-25T15:56:34.289+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 25th February 2024<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 25<sup>th</sup> February
2024</span></u></b></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Several
streets in D-Town were closed yesterday as police and army technicians
struggled to contain the threat of explosions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The milk-float had been parked for several days in bright sunshine, and
it was feared that several bottles of semi-skimmed were about to blow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After sealing off the vehicle and carrying
out a risk-based cheese-making assessment, the decision was made to detonate
the deadly cargo in the waters of the K&A canal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although several curds were formed, the
police managed to get the dangerous liquid a-whey safely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had the yoghurt blown, it was feared that
nearly £7-worth of damage might be caused. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Following
the utter chaos in the Council chamber on Thursday when politicians from both
sides attacked each other, representatives from both Israel and Hamas have
appealed for peace and a negotiated settlement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also the US Defence Force and the Iranian-backed Houthis have called for
calm, but also offered to send weapons in an attempt to bring the wrangling to
a final solution. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-31074992355200683322024-02-11T08:59:00.001+00:002024-02-11T08:59:42.010+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 11th February 2024<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 11<sup>th</sup> February
2024</span></u></b></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Following
the lead of the English FA, D-Town Academicals have decided to adopt the new
disciplinary system in all their Anusol (North) League fixtures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any player guilty of dissent or threatening
behaviour will be shown a blue card and sent off for 10 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spitting will attract a green card and 15
minutes, bodily assault a purple card and 20 minutes, and for the worst crimes
of diving (or other cheating), a black card and 30 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And,
during the week, it became known that the chap who lives in the Big House on
The High Street is poorly. The exact type of poorliness was not disclosed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is expected to be more poorly before he
gets better, although his expected course of treatment has not been announced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His poorliness is not thought to be related
to the undisclosed minor illness he had the week before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His daughter-in-law is also said to be
poorly, but with a different undisclosed condition altogether.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man let it be known that the good wishes
of the town’s population has been a great comfort to him, and that he was only
too happy to be so transparent and public about his poorliness. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-5406150031764287382024-01-14T12:02:00.000+00:002024-01-14T12:02:12.388+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 14th January 2024<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 14<sup>th</sup> January
2024</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->In
an extension of its overblown foreign policy, D-Town has launched pre-emptive
strikes of milk round deliveries and new bus services in areas of the county
that have nothing to do with D-Town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Milk
deliveries have begun in that awkward bit of country near the River Avon, just
before you get to Bath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spokesperson
for the Clowncil announced that these “operations” (which had been carried out
in tandem with Melksham Council) were “necessary to ensure the safely of D-Town
deliveries, and were in no way meant to signal an escalation in wider county
hostilities”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, right. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Several
busses in the fleet of double-deckers on the 49 route have been taken out of
service whilst safety checks are carried out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Last week a window panel blew out on the ascent of Caen Hill towards
D-Town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whilst this was very frightening
for the passengers, no-one was actually sucked to an agonising high-pressure
death, and the bus arrived safely in the Market Place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is chilling to think of what might have
happened if the bus had been anywhere near Swine-town or TrowVegas. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-46623448878304093722024-01-07T10:02:00.003+00:002024-01-07T10:02:43.453+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 7th January 2024<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7<sup>th</sup> January 2024</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
festive season and Twelfth Night having been successfully negotiated, D-Town
supermarkets are gearing themselves up for Valentine’s Day, Easter,
Back-To-School, Summer Holidays, Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Hallowe’en,
Bonfire Night and, of course, next Christmas. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
Post Office scandal has spread its ugly tentacles even into D-Town’s
infrastructure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several customers have
been wrongly denied entry to the fastest-moving queues, and thus missing vital
appointments, and some even losing the will the will to live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Collections and deliveries have been delayed,
and yet compensation has been denied to customers waiting for vital supplies,
such as sex-dolls, illegal prescriptions and hard-core pornography. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-59669020449117858192023-12-31T09:26:00.006+00:002023-12-31T09:26:45.699+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 31st December 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 31<sup>st</sup> December
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->New
Year’s Eve dawns sickly and pale over D-Town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The weather, in traditional spirit for this time of year, is predictably
crap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People wander the streets in a
daze, trying to work out if this is really a Sunday, or whether it’s a Bank
Holiday, or even if it’s both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it
tomorrow?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or the day after?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Total nightmare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To support those
with the new condition of “Day Agnosia”, a drop-in centre will be open in the
Market Place to answer such questions as “when is it bin day?”, “when is the
recycling centre open?” and “when am I supposed to go back to work?” </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
sadly, for many people, the Turkey Apocalypse continues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rotting, but never-diminishing carcase of
the Festive Bird still dominates many a refrigerator. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the cold turkey sandwiches, the turkey
soup, the turkey fritters and the turkey curry, is there anywhere else to go
with this nightmare?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others are plagued
by a never-ending supply of cheese, or a previously undiscovered tray of congealed
pigs in blankets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unmarked containers of
leftover roast potatoes, sprouts and peas haunt the back of the unit, and take
up valuable space now needed for the new intake of New Year snacks and nibbles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never mind – it’ll soon be Pancake Day. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
a Very Happy New Year to my reader. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-20088078511663370882023-12-24T09:24:00.003+00:002023-12-24T09:24:27.686+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 24th December 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 24<sup>th</sup> December
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Christmas
Eve in D-Town features the normal traditional activities: camping outside the
supermarket doors from 3am in order to buy enough food for a two-week siege (even
though they are only closed for 12 hours), men wandering around petrol station
forecourts at 10pm still looking for that last special present for their wives
and girlfriends, drunks vandalising the Christmas tree in the Market Place, and
later puking up in the pews at Midnight Mass. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Say what you like about Christmas, but you can’t
beat these old traditional customs. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->D-Town
residents were warned not to let the spirit of Christmas go to their heads, but
to be on their guard against potential holiday hazards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stollen and mince pie mountain on the
edge of town has now become completely unstable, and has several times
threatened to collapse and to flood the town with marzipan and dried
fruit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Police patrols have been stepped
up and the Army is on stand-by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Meanwhile, citizens have been warned against swimming in the Crammer, as
it is currently over-flowing with surplus Lambrusco and prosecco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there will be special patrols to ensure
that people conclude their Christmas meals with proper Christmas pudding, and
not with the now-illegal panettone substitutes available from some lower-class
supermarkets. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-78566781620428488392023-12-17T11:25:00.003+00:002023-12-17T11:25:29.732+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 17th December 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 17<sup>th</sup> December
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->A
solid family welcome is planned later when one of D-Town’s own returns home
after being missing for over six years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The boy Scott Chegg, was found wandering the streets of Trowvegas, after
escaping from a hippy commune where he had been taken by his mother in an
attempt to lead an alternative lifestyle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“She wanted to live off-grid, in a place with no atmosphere, and no
trappings of a modern commercial world,” the boy was heard to sob.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But I missed the simple pleasures of D-Town
with its potholes, traffic congestion and lack of a bypass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I escaped, and hope to be re-united with
my wealthy grand-mother in time for Christmas.” </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->With
just over a week to go to The Big Day, a charity-funded shelter for the poor
has been opened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shelter will
provide sanctuary for ordinary men with families who need to get away from the
build-up to the festive time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will
be no Christmas trees, decorations, shopping lists or meal-planners in evidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead an atmosphere of calm will be
encouraged, including a bar, a TV showing Sky Sports, and other like-minded
males who just want to talk about football. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy Fawthrop
2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-63174871414700777962023-12-10T12:15:00.003+00:002023-12-10T12:15:25.932+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 12th December 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 10<sup>th</sup> December
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->In
a moment of desperation this week, the Clowncil’s Foreign Minister, James Dastardly
visited the outer-Wiltshire Badlands in order to sign a treaty with a group of
Irish tinkers who had holed up near a stream at the bottom of a farmer’s field
in Marlborough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After receiving clear
assurances that such accommodation was fit for human habitation, and wouldn’t
be moving anywhere till the Spring, Mr Dastardly avowed that it would be safe
to send D-Town’s homeless people there on assisted “holiday breaks”. In a
statement later Mr Dastardly asked “what can possibly go wrong?” </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
the official Christmas Period of Desperation has now begun. It is now
compulsory to have Christmas songs on continuous loop in all retail premises,
such as off-licences, hairdressers and supermarkets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Christmas Pudding ration has been
introduced, and customers will be forced to buy Panettone instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aging, portly men, badly disguised in a red
and white tunic as Santa Claus will be pulled through D-Town by unwilling
volunteers from The Rotary Club, with yellow plastic buckets rattling in an
attempt to raise money for a Greggs’ steak bake for a homeless person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And tears of sympathy were shed by the
women-folk of the town has the Christmas fairy yet again had a 30-foot
Christmas y tree forcibly shoved up her jacksy. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-40468027431909507902023-12-03T09:46:00.003+00:002023-12-03T09:46:19.065+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 3rd December 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 3<sup>rd</sup> December 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->A
further diplomatic row has broken out between D-Town and Trowvegas, after the
leader of the Council abruptly cancelled a meeting with the Trowvegas leader,
citing the breaking of an agreement not to mention the milk bottles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dispute centres on an incident from
nearly a hundred years ago when a D-Town-based milkman, having encroached his
round into Hilperton, took a number of empty milk-bottles from a doorstep,
claiming that he’d been given permission to remove them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trowvegas disputes this interpretation, and
has fought for years to have the bottles returned to their proper dairy, where
they would be used to fill crates with currently empty cells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The D-Town Museum, where the bottles are
currently on display, refused to comment. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
another fascinating week has been endured at the D-Town Covid Enquiry, where
evidence has been taken from various key players in the Pandemic during 2020
and 2021.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Director of Public Health
at the time, quite a Witty man, blamed the Chief Scientist Sir Liberty Vallance,
who in turn blamed the Chief Medical Officer Jonathan Van Driver, who in turn
cast doubt on the competence of the politicians Boris “Bonkers” Johnson and The
Bandwagon, “Dishy” Rishi Bagatelle and Matt Hand-on-cock. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-59417139790831380962023-11-26T09:11:00.002+00:002023-11-26T09:11:39.648+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 26th November 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 26<sup>th</sup> November
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
streets of D-Town were deserted yesterday evening, and tumbleweed blew through the
empty shop doorways in The Brittox.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The entire
population, so evident in the Market Place in their thousands on Friday night,
had entirely evaporated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shops closed
early and the pubs were deserted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
Wetherspoons regulars had apparently gone missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile on The Green the sight of a
tattered old police-box, emerging through the mist and accompanied by grinding
noises, had attracted the attention of a few wild birds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man, who had emerged from the box, with
wild hair and claiming to be a doctor, accompanied by a young girl (possibly under sixteen) was arrested on suspicion of time-travelling without a licence, and the
kidnap of a minor. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Earlier
in the week citizens had been shocked to discover that time was indeed merely a
relative concept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did Black Friday
begin on Tuesday afternoon, but it also lasted for a week in some areas, and a
whole month in other places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maudlin Monday
and Purple Thursdays are concepts that are yet to take off, but Christmas will
now begin (according to leading supermarkets) in August.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easter eggs are due in the shops on New Year’s
Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, although it’s months yet until
pancake day, the shops are already full of milk, flour and eggs. Go figure. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-39771335122819854372023-11-19T11:15:00.002+00:002023-11-19T11:15:33.202+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 19th November 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 19<sup>th</sup> November
2023</span></u></b></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
Tory leader of the Local Council has now completed his Cabinet re-shuffle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a vain attempt to appeal to hard-line
right-wingers before the upcoming election next year, leader Richman So-Nice
has drafted in some elder statesmen from the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Foreign Secretary will be Pitt The Elder,
the Home Secretary’s portfolio will be assumed by Benjamin Disraeli, and the
Chancellor of the Exchequer will be Winston Churchill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Facing criticism on these appointments, a
spokesperson defended the move, saying that, under current Clowncil rules,
pre-decease is no bar to holding public office. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 14.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -14.2pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And,
after failing in its bid to nationalise Greggs, the Clowncil has decided to
enact a local by-law which changes the status of any purveyor of hot steak
bakes from “bakery” to “betting shop”, thus bringing the chain under local planning
control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A further by-law will also come
into force whereby any by-law that nationalises a betting shop cannot be
further challenged in court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Clowncil
batted away any claims that this was not democratic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, in further surprise moves, bears denied
having any defecatory intentions towards woodland, and the Pontiff of Rome has
pooh-poohed any idea that he had any leanings towards a censer-based religion
based in the Italian capital. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-43662186708822142552023-11-12T08:13:00.002+00:002023-11-12T08:13:18.119+00:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 12th November 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 12<sup>th</sup> November
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
streets of D-Town were awash with police and armed forces yesterday, in
anticipation of public disorder as a protest rally (described by the Secretary
of the Town Council as a “hate march”) took place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The march, which was described as “Pro-Sainsbury”
by its supporters, but “Anti-Lidl” by its detractors, passed off with little
violence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost one person was
arrested, and a compromise was reached when both sides agreed to share a ready
meal from Marks & Spencer’s Food Hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A simultaneous peaceful vigil outside Iceland passed off without
incident. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Meanwhile,
the corner shop in Hillworth has broken ranks with its competitors by removing
its single self-service checkout till.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Customers at the shop will be transported back decades in time by being
forced to take their purchases up to the counter and pay for them by using the
services of a “shopkeeper”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
expected that a “cheery word” protocol will be introduced, together with Please
& Thank-You procedures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thought is
also being put into the ideas of “no tick, so please don’t ask” and “buy one,
pay for one” as new marketing ploys, but thatr is very much under wraps at the
moment. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-77298864846990580282023-10-22T09:28:00.000+01:002023-10-22T09:28:13.131+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 22nd October 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 22<sup>nd</sup> October 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
streets were filled last night with disappointed rugby fans, as D-Town Ramblers
narrowly failed in their bid to reach the final of the West Wiltshire (Northern
Section) Germolene Cup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having led by
the narrowest of margins (one sin-bin, one cauliflower ear, one cut lip and one
abusive tirade at the ref to two dislocated fingers), the side were forced to
concede a last-minute penalty for singing in the scrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards the captain Chris P. Bacon,
admitted that his team had simply not been good enough, but said that he was
proud of the team for the broken noses, black eyes and violent tackles they’d
handed out to the opposition. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
in an entirely expected turn of events, two Tory councillors lost their seats
to Starmerite Centrists in two local by-elections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a massive turn-out of nearly 5%, the
voters of D-Town clearly showed exactly what they thought of modern-day
politics and politicians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Tories
lost majorities of nearly 5 and 7 respectively, which is a record for the size
of a double landslide this side of the Covid holiday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly we are living in The End Times. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-79140615853504163512023-10-15T08:45:00.000+01:002023-10-15T08:45:24.305+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 15th October 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 15<sup>th</sup> October 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->It’s
been a long week in local politics, with all the major parties holding their
annual conferences, many of them in Mrs Bustle’s Cake & Tea Emporium on the
High Street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Attendance was rumoured to
be almost in double digits, as the two-for-the-price-of-one offer on eclairs
(2pm to 4pm only, conditions apply) cut keenly across many planned
timetables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Monday the men in blue
suits said one thing, whilst on Wednesday the men in grey suits said exactly
the opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only one of the leaders
was reported to have delivered a really glittering performance. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
situation in war-torn TrowVegas continues to worsen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Council, in what is widely seen as an
aggressive and provocative statement, has ordered all the citizens at the
northern end of the town to move to the southern end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is to allow a planned invasion of
street-cleaners, drain-flushers and milk-floats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other communities in Wiltshire have expressed
their concern and advocated restraint and proportionality so that innocent
civilians are not injured during these Council Manoeuvres in The Dark. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-31263869492499369302023-10-08T09:38:00.006+01:002023-10-08T09:38:54.586+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 8th October 2023<p> <b><u>D<span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt;">rivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 8<sup>th</sup> October 2023</span></u></b></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->In
an act of mindless vandalism, the tree that stood at the cross-roads between Drove
Road and the Westway, has been cut down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Beloved of dogs and walkers desperte for a piss alike, the loss of this
rural urinal will hit the community hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The tree at Piss-Pot Gap was a sizeable specimen, providing shelter for
urinaters and wildlife alike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s a
real shame,” declared one local ne’er-do-well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Now we’ll<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>have to walk nearly
twenty yards to get behind a wall for a wazz.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unless the general public wants to see us all waving our wongas in the
air?” </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
in another blow to local transport policy, it was announced this week that the
second main stage of HST2 (High Speed Tractor route 2) will be cancelled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The route will now start in a back alley just
off Long Street, streak for several miles through the Market Place and down Caen
Hill, before ending up in the middle of a muddy field somewhere near
Seend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The “D-Town Powerhouse” project
is now seen to be in tatters, with tractors likely to be abandoned at random
points on the route, and cars having to navigate round hay-bales lost along the
main carriageway. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-38076091097099831172023-09-17T10:02:00.005+01:002023-09-17T10:02:40.148+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 17th September 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 17<sup>th</sup> September
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->The
Town Council has moved at its usual snail-like pace to not ban dangerous dogs
from our streets. A spokes-bot for the
Council claimed that this was in line with, and totally consistent with, all
their other policies, such as not banning the local feral yoof from cycling on
pavements and in pedestrianised areas, not stopping the 20 butcher’s vans from
parking all day in the loading bays in Sidmouth Street, and not stopping the
swans and ducks from crapping in the Crammer. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->And
yet again plans for HS2 (High-Speed Tractor-lane 2) have been thrown into
doubt. Money is tight and budgets are
constantly being revised in the light of spiralling costs. The North-eastern leg to Melksham may now
have to terminate in the middle of a small field near Sells Green, whilst the
main spur through the town’s High Street may need to be narrowed to accommodate
the many Grade II-listed buildings.
Hay-bales will be unloaded outside the Town Hall, rather than in the
Market Place, and tractors (who have their own rules of the road) may be
restricted to only 80mph when passing narrow pavements. None of the extensions are expected to be
built before 2035, so we can all go back to not worrying about it any more. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023</span></b></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-1490447028966657162023-09-10T09:41:00.000+01:002023-09-10T09:41:27.278+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 10th September 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 10<sup>th</sup> September
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->D-Town
was briefly under martial law during the week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Apart from the Water Board closing several streets to install new water
mains, thus reducing local drivers to gibbering wrecks, large gangs of unruly schoolchildren
roamed the streets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having discovered
that several school buildings were constructed using a combination of yoghurt, feta
cheese and lark-spit, the facilities were rapidly closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The library, and most other civic buildings
were also off-limits as roofs made of Weetabix were uncovered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children were finally rounded up, using a
combination of cattle-prods and traps laced with salt and vinegar crisps. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->On
the music scene, townsfolk were surprised to hear of the release of the first
new album of original songs from 60s super-group The Strolling Bones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Speaking from their walking frames and power
chairs in their residence The D-Town Home For The Terminally Bewildered, lead
singer Rick Jogger and guitarists Bonny Good and Rich Keefwards said that they
hoped to go on tour of the entire ground floor of the home in the next few
weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Featuring two ex-members on some
tracks, one of whom lives in a cave in Scotland with a yak, and another who is
actually dead, the album will be released on NeededTheMoney Records next week. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-24939569355947758632023-09-03T08:42:00.003+01:002023-09-03T08:42:53.399+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 3rd September 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 3<sup>rd</sup> September
2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->A
controversial scheme to charge for polluting vehicles entering D-Town’s central
area in, the Outside Your Every Zone (or OYEZ) may have to be dropped as it has
been realised that so few vehicles of any kind actually enter the zone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The maze of one-way streets, constant
road-works and complete inability to park anywhere has reduced the population
to walking into town. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
D-Town’s small but highly energetic Indian population is celebrating today with
the launch from our Live International Space Port (LISP) of their first probe
to investigate the Sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When asked how
their scientists had planned to cope with the intense radiation and heat emitted
by the star, their scientists replied that they had thought of that, and that
they were carrying out the mission by night. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-75987980923401330872023-08-27T09:32:00.003+01:002023-08-27T09:33:39.100+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 27th August 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 27<sup>th</sup> August 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->A
woman who threatened to resign from the Town Council in 1969, has finally
carried out her threat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Council
officials are said to be not only surprised and shocked, but also absolutely
delighted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Following over fifty years of
delay, this now paves the way for a Council by-election.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several candidates who had been lined up by
her party to succeed her have since ruled themselves out of the running, but
even more of them have simply lost interest in politics or died. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
a former politician has been taken into custody, and charged with impersonating
an orange.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked for several other
offences to be taken into account, including being lemon-faced, slipping on a
banana-skin, blowing raspberries at the authorities, talking absolute rhubarb,
looking like a right melon and straining his plums in public.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But where can a mango when he’s such a
fruit-cake? </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-2240256443422587362023-08-20T09:23:00.000+01:002023-08-20T09:23:53.473+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 20th August 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 20<sup>th</sup> August 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Police
have been called after it was discovered that the Wiltshire Museum in Long Street
has suffered a large number of unexplained losses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Initial investigations revealed that 90% of
the museum’s artefact collection has never been photographed or catalogued,
that curator staff have not been security-checked, and that there are no guards
or alarms on the buildings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Police
pronounced themselves “utterly baffled” how such a large-scale crime could be committed
under such circumstances. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other local
crimes, including cases of defecation on the woods, and establishing the exact religion
of the Pope, also remain unsolved. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
the world of sport is in total turmoil this morning after it was discovered
that, contrary to popular belief, women and ladies and girls of a female
persuasion, can actually play ball games.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Apparently all forms of sport are actually possible for them, including
cricket and football.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is hoped that
in future years, anyone wearing a bra and possessing a womb, will be able to
register to play sports.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Competitions,
leagues, and even World Cups may be organised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is not known if anyone would pay to watch any such shenanigans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So watch this space in case any kind of
girlie games are ever staged. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-88969080310920420052023-08-13T09:36:00.000+01:002023-08-13T09:36:00.185+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 13th August 2023 <p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 13<sup>th</sup> August 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Police
in the town are investigating a possible case of arson and insurance fraud
after the only properly-built house in D-Town was burnt to the ground &
subsequently bulldozed into a pile of rubble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The house on the High Street stood out, and was featured in postcards
and magazine supplements, because it was perfectly level, properly
proportioned, and had rooms with 90-degree corners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is in contrast to other properties in
the town which are leaning, wonky, and give the impression of having been
thrown together by teams of cowboy builders, from Norman times, through the
medieval period, right up to the modern era of Barratt, Persimmon and Bellway. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
two men who were last week forced to take up residence in a narrowboat moored
on the K&A canal at The Wharf, were this week forced to return to
shore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been found that conditions
aboard were far too healthy & salubrious for drop-outs to occupy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also the legionnaire who was already living
there had objected to sharing his boat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is expected that next week the two men will be forced to live aboard a
different vessel, before being forced the week after that to go and live
somewhere else altogether. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-28769971126593268352023-07-23T09:24:00.004+01:002023-07-23T09:24:33.386+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 23rd July 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 23<sup>rd</sup> July 2023</span></u></b></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Queues
formed around several blocks in the town last night as people tried to gain
access to the opening night of the long-awaited film “Barbenheimer”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The film tells the story of how a scientist
who identified as a female doll, and dressed all in pink, made the discovery
that would threaten the peace of the free world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Accompanied by his/her/their boy/girlfriend
Ken, Professor Barbie wears a rather fetching little hat and stares
meaningfully into the camera as a CGI-generated atomic explosion takes place
behind him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drinks, crisps and pipcorn
are expected to be in short supply throughout the run. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Meanwhile,
in political circles, new hope was born this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In by-elections elsewhere in the country,
both Labour and the Liberals over-turned massive previous Tory majorities to
take parliamentary seats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it has now
been proved conclusively that even safe seats, such as D-Town (where people
will vote Tory even if the candidate is a slowly-cooling pile of shit, topped
with a blue flag), can be won after all, there will be a new spring in the step
of constituency hopefuls. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-83252650093367785392023-06-11T09:35:00.000+01:002023-06-11T09:35:21.526+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 11th June 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 11<sup>th</sup> June 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The
ex-mayor, having been found guilty by the Privileges Committee of gross
misconduct by running over little old ladies and eating kittens in public, has
continued to deny any wrong-doing, saying that he has been forced out of the
Council Chamber by people who are simply a little over-squeamish. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
sports fans throughout the town have been celebrating the news that walking
football over-70’s team D-Town Academicals have done the sextuple in one
campaign season – winners of the Alzheimer’s League (North-Western Division),
winners of the FA (Fuck All) Cup, winners of the Werthers’ Originals Trophy,
winners of Crumblies’ Cup, winners of the Pringles BBQ Flavour all-comers cup
(unopposed), winners of Anusol Ring Of Fire competition, and winners of the
Cup-Winners’ Cup Cup Cup. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3033376546017293282.post-10621558629193187832023-04-23T09:23:00.000+01:002023-04-23T09:23:24.398+01:00Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 23rd April 2023<p><b><u><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 23<sup>rd</sup> April 2023</span></u></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Disappointment
was the keynote this week as D-Town’s Inter-stellar Mission (DIM) got off to a
bad start when the test-firing of the town’s largest and most powerful ever
rocket ended with an explosion only two minutes after take-off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This event was described by a spokesman as “a
rapid and unscheduled disassembly”, and warned journalists to “never mistake a
trial for failure”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking a leaf out of
the Circumlocution Handbook For Beginners, the Highways Agency has reclassified
the town’s deep and treacherous potholes as “unrepaired variations in the
smooth road surface”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The police,
struggling with a high number of incidents involving feral youths, have
described the crime-wave as an “unapprehended number of unsupervised
anti-social incidents”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And The Crammer,
D-Town’s famous duck-pond, reputed home of the original Moonrakers, has been
re-labelled as “an uncharted expanse of harmless liquid supporting several
species of edible wildlife”. </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->And
the world of local politics suffered another blow this week when the Deputy Mayor,
Ivor Roughshod-Manner, was forced to resign after the publication of a damning
report which named him as a bully of the worst sort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was said to have taken some councillor
oiks round to the back of the Council back-sheds and given them a jolly good
telling-off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new Council bully is
expected to be appointed in the coming days. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 7.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>barredfrombromhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04696792902679014196noreply@blogger.com0