Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 22nd October 2023

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 22^nd October 2023 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      The streets were filled last night with disappointed rugby fans, as D-Town Ramblers narrowly failed in their bid to reach the final of the West Wiltshire (Northern Section) Germolene Cup.  Having led by the narrowest of margins (one sin-bin, one cauliflower ear, one cut lip and one abusive tirade at the ref to two dislocated fingers), the side were forced to concede a last-minute penalty for singing in the scrum.  Afterwards the captain Chris P. Bacon, admitted that his team had simply not been good enough, but said that he was proud of the team for the broken noses, black eyes and violent tackles they’d handed out to the opposition. 

2.      And in an entirely expected turn of events, two Tory councillors lost their seats to Starmerite Centrists in two local by-elections.  In a massive turn-out of nearly 5%, the voters of D-Town clearly showed exactly what they thought of modern-day politics and politicians.  The Tories lost majorities of nearly 5 and 7 respectively, which is a record for the size of a double landslide this side of the Covid holiday.  Truly we are living in The End Times. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2023

 

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 15th October 2023

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 15^th October 2023 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      It’s been a long week in local politics, with all the major parties holding their annual conferences, many of them in Mrs Bustle’s Cake & Tea Emporium on the High Street.  Attendance was rumoured to be almost in double digits, as the two-for-the-price-of-one offer on eclairs (2pm to 4pm only, conditions apply) cut keenly across many planned timetables.  On Monday the men in blue suits said one thing, whilst on Wednesday the men in grey suits said exactly the opposite.  Only one of the leaders was reported to have delivered a really glittering performance. 

2.      The situation in war-torn TrowVegas continues to worsen.  The Council, in what is widely seen as an aggressive and provocative statement, has ordered all the citizens at the northern end of the town to move to the southern end.  This is to allow a planned invasion of street-cleaners, drain-flushers and milk-floats.  Other communities in Wiltshire have expressed their concern and advocated restraint and proportionality so that innocent civilians are not injured during these Council Manoeuvres in The Dark. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2023

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 8th October 2023

 Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 8^th October 2023

 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      In an act of mindless vandalism, the tree that stood at the cross-roads between Drove Road and the Westway, has been cut down.  Beloved of dogs and walkers desperte for a piss alike, the loss of this rural urinal will hit the community hard.  The tree at Piss-Pot Gap was a sizeable specimen, providing shelter for urinaters and wildlife alike.  “It’s a real shame,” declared one local ne’er-do-well.  “Now we’ll  have to walk nearly twenty yards to get behind a wall for a wazz.  Unless the general public wants to see us all waving our wongas in the air?” 

2.      And in another blow to local transport policy, it was announced this week that the second main stage of HST2 (High Speed Tractor route 2) will be cancelled.  The route will now start in a back alley just off Long Street, streak for several miles through the Market Place and down Caen Hill, before ending up in the middle of a muddy field somewhere near Seend.  The “D-Town Powerhouse” project is now seen to be in tatters, with tractors likely to be abandoned at random points on the route, and cars having to navigate round hay-bales lost along the main carriageway. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2023