Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 8th September 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Fuelled by a misunderstanding of epic proportions, citizens of D-Town last night celebrated the end of the Paralytic Games. Taking their cue from events in Paris, the local yoof took to da streets to demonstrate Drunken Roads-Crossing, faced The High Jump with the local constabulary, tried the Long Jump across The Crammer (later converted to a range of swimming events), Cycling The Wrong Way Down A One-way Street, Athletic Shoplifting and, of course, Wheelchair Binge-Drinking.
2. And, in a landmark report published on Thursday, it was concluded that the flats in Wobbly Way burned to the ground because they were (illegally) set on fire. No shit Sherlock! No part of society was left unscathed by the damning conclusions and recommendations. The people who set the blaze going were particularly to blame, as were the complete fucktards who had left large piles of combustible materials in the entrance hall, the Fire Brigade (who failed to extinguish the fire because it was deemed to be “too hot”), the Police (who failed to catch the scrotes responsible because it was deemed to be “too difficult”, the Clowncil (who failed to have all the rubbish collected in a timely way because it was “too expensive”) and finally the mighty General Public (who filmed the blaze on their smartphones, but who failed to call 999 because it might “spoil the excitement”).
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
