Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 14th October 2018

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 14^th October 2018

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

1.      Nearly seven people lined the streets of D-Town on Friday to watch the latest celebrity wedding procession.  The girl from the third checkout at Morrisons married the son of the bloke who works at the chip shop in the Market Place.  Neither is in line to inherit any money, or likely to do anything noticeable with their lives, but – hey – a wedding is a wedding, right?

2.    And art history may have been made at a shop in the Brittox in the week, when a woman bought a second-hand painting in a charity shop.  Having paid £3 for the artwork (including tax) the woman was putting it into her wheeled shopping trolley when her hand slipped and she dropped the item on the floor.  The frame split and the glass cracked, thus appearing to destroy the value of painting.  However, a passing art critic/ commentator remarked that this misfortune may have actually increased its value.  Or not.  Who knows?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Killer In The Village

Killer In The Village

There’s a killer in our village

And he’s not been brought to justice

He’s out there right now

Walking round a free man

Because no-one knows

About his guilty secret

There’s a killer in our village

He’s just an ordinary guy

With a wife and children

Worrying about his credit card

And his hefty mortgage

Perhaps the same as you and I

There’s a killer in our village

And everybody knows his name

They see him down the pub

And he plays on all the local teams

They’ve been known to pat him on the back

When he makes a winning score

There’s a killer in our village

Who knows how to hit a target

He’s top gun at computer games

With hand/ eye co-ordination

Second-to-none, rated excellent

For a special military job

There’s a killer in our village

Yet no-one lives in any fear

He drives over to the airbase

And he works his every shift

Then he passes through security

And descends in to his bunker

There’s a killer in our village

But no-one’s after him

He peers into his monitor

Yet he’s never in any danger

A pilot who always stays at home

And flies the drones in Afghanistan

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Wargames

Wargames

Heads bowed forward

to concentrate upon the task

clean-shaven faces

beneath the headsets

reflect the screen-glow

amid an arcade of work-stations

computers and communications

racks and tangled cables

hands upon the joysticks

making careful corrections

to course and altitude

fingers flicking nervously

around the bomb-buttons

as the targets come into focus

An aerial view of desert landscape

criss-crossed with beaten tracks

unfolds slowly far below

small settlements of human habitation

at the correct co-ordinates

and the sought-after compounds

encompassed by perimeter walls

home to suspected fighters

insurgent enemies

in a distant combat zone

The transmission time-delay

of remote telemetry

muffles the stark reality

of sound and vision

of the over-flying drone

dealing out its deadly cargo

of silent sky-borne death

whilst the pilots sit secure

removed from any jeopardy

detached and unconnected

bunkered beneath the ground

in a rural homeland

amid cool and air-conditioned calm

within the secure perimeter

behind the blast-door

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Tea-soaked Fruit Loaf

Recipe for: CAKE – TEA-SOAKED FRUIT LOAF

Ingredients:

·        500g mixed fruit

·        8 strong tea bags

·        300ml boiling water

·        500g self-raising flour

·        325g butter, cold and cut into small cubes

·        250g caster sugar

·        3g mixed spice

·        Pinch salt

·        5 eggs

Method:

1.      Heat oven to 150C (fan)

2.      Butter and line 23cm round cake tin with baking parchment

3.      Place tea bags in a large bowl and add the boiling water to make VERY strong tea

4.      Add mixed fruit and stir well

5.      Allow to soak until tea is cold (or overnight)

6.      Remove teabags

7.      In another large bowl place the flour

8.      Add the butter and rub in with your fingers until your breadcrumb consistency

9.      Add sugar, salt and mixed spice.  Stir well

10.   Add the eggs and stir well

11.   Add the soaked fruit and liquid and stir well

12.   Scrape mixture into cake tin and level the top

13.   Bake in the oven until risen and golden, and a skewer comes out clean

14.   Remove from oven and allow to cool in the tin

15.   Remove to a wire rack and cool completely

Outrage

Outrage

The explosion comes

Always without warning

The ear-drum splitting noise

The force of the blast

And the percussive shock-wave

Of shrapnel as it flies in all directions

Screams of terror fill the air

And dust-clouds billow

As if to coat the bloody bodies

And hide them from inspection

The crack of concrete

And the crunch of shattered glass

An uneven layer of dusty debris

The smoking aftermath of bombers

Deal out death and indiscriminate injury

Damaged bodies and severed limbs

Casualties littered across the street

The wail of urgent sirens

Heralds the arrival of police and paramedics

Who crawl across the wreckage

To pull out maimed and mangled bodies

In unseen heroic acts

But who later on are more visible

Standing outside the hospitals

And before the cameras

Giving details of the deceased

And estimate the numbers

And yet these official figures

Take on very different meanings

Whether in Boston or Baghdad

In London or Afghanistan

Where the value of a Western life

Becomes inflated by the media

And where a Middle Eastern soul

Who was someone’s husband

Mother, father, brother

A lately-living person

Is reduced to just a cipher

Just a nameless victim

And somehow worth a little less

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Safari, So Good

Safari, So Good – a poem un-inspired by a visit to Longleat in the rain

It might be a strange thing to want to do,

But I had a craving to go to the park,

Not to that flat thing at the end of the road,

But to see the creatures saved from the Ark.

I wanted to see animals all exotic,

From Asia and Africa and such.

(I know that I’m living in Wiltshire,

But surely, it’s not asking too much?)

So we drove off down to Longleat,

And followed the signs right up the path,

Where they’ve got all sorts of creatures,

Including the latest Marquess of Bath.

Now I know it probably costs a few bob,

To build a few enclosures and cages,

But I didn’t think it’d cost me so much:

To get in was at least a week’s wages!

And we should have picked better weather,

Cause the day was all cloudy and wet,

And I think it were on a cold Monday,

The most miserable day you could get.

The animals were getting over their week-end,

Sunday must have been better, I’ve no doubt,

So they were all sleeping it off,

And none of them wanted to come out.

We couldn’t choose, to go on a Jungle Cruise,

For the boats were all moored up that day.

We had a short phase, lost in the Monkey Maze,

But even the meerkats slept – what can I say?

We repaired to the Capybara Café,

But they didn’t have anything we’d want,

Nor did we stay, in the Hippo Hideaway,

And ended up in the Rhino Restaurant.

My Safari Burger had made me feel bad,

So I had no wish to go on the Funfair,

What I needed were the great open spaces,

The Africa Drive-Thru and get some fresh air.

This’ll be good, we thought as we drove,

We’ll see the wide open Savannah at least,

With buffaloes, giraffes and some zebra,

And great herds of wildebeest.

  

Alas the experience was somewhat different,

Past warning notices and thence,

Two sets of gates and piles of barbed wire,

Warders in Jeeps, and a security fence.

Security cameras watched our every move

To ensure that we weren’t in any danger,

You weren’t allowed out of the car,

And we were watched every few yards by a ranger.

It was a bit like being in Parkhurst,

Not that I’ve been there, you know,

Except there was nothing for the captives to do,

Not even some mail-bags to sew.

The lions were bored and sat under the trees,

Like listless teen-agers kicking their heels;

Eyeing all the tasty-looking people in cars:

To them we must’ve looked like Meals on Wheels.

Then out of the final enclosure,

The short line of cars and vans waggled,

A quick trip to the Tiger Toilets,

And then homeward, weary and bedraggled.

So if you’re looking for a wildlife experience,

Whilst you’re dreaming, or lying in bed,

Take a word of advice from someone who knows,

Save up, and go to Africa instead.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I saw her again the other day

For the first time out in sunshine

Smiling, bright and happy

Laughing with the other guests

At some dreary garden party

And I admired her whitened skin

Pearlescent clear

Smooth and unblemished

Her long elegant arms

And her perfect figure

Exquisitely displayed

In her low-cut summer dress

And as she turned away

To talk to someone else

Revealing the perfect curve of her back

I could see the merest whipline

A long extended tongue

Curling from out the mouth

Of the dragon hidden there

Emerging from beneath

The taut and silken edge

Of the light material

Where it entwined itself

And inter-mingled

With the crouching tiger

Peeking out from just below

And I thought of the ferocity

Of these two snarling beasts

Which invaded the empty canvas of her skin

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018