Watchers Of The Skies

Watchers Of The Skies

Someone, somewhere wants to know

What we’re getting up to

Our access, our codes and security

Our secrets and confidences

The bits and the bytes and the bleeps

The residue that gives us away

Tracking us through online DNA

To follow the digital trail

Of our electronic footprints

Through the blizzard of data

They’re tapping and taping

Wireless communications

Intercepting the signals

Listening to the chaff and the chatter

Clocking our clicks

Scraping our screens

And capturing our keystrokes

Deep-mining the datasets

Following our every move

Wherever we go

Our emails and calls

Our texts and our tweets

Interested in whatever we do

Whatever we’re looking at

Whichever the websites

And whoever we’re talking to

And who are these spooks and these spies

In their dubious agencies

And non-existent departments

Focusing their prism upon our lives

With their online surveillance?

What is the intelligence they seek?

The knowledge they need to keep us all safe?

The mandate they work to?

And who are the masters they answer to

So unaccountable and unreachable?

Are these the same people

Who seek to calm us with platitudes

And tell us that we have nothing to fear?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Hesitation

Hestitation

Some chaps find it hard to speak straight:

Their listeners just have to wait.

Their speech is a mess,

They start to digress,

Then it’s all stop, start and…. hesitate.

I don’t think it’s cos they’re stupid or dumb,

More like their minds have simply turned numb.

They become all unsure,

It’s so hard to endure,

When all they can come up with is ……“um”.

This problem can make them feel sick,

As they battle with their verbal tic.

They might come out with an …..“ah”,

And they don’t get very far,

I’m sorry – I’m not taking the mick!

Don’t mock – it could happen to you, man -

Bet you wouldn’t know what to do, man.

So don’t be uncertain,

Nor go for a burton,

After all – they say “to ‘er is human”.

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Toast Rack

Toast Rack

Breakfast’s the laziest meal of the day,

A quite casual repast as a rule -
It’s not something so organised

That you need to watch the toast cool.

No - straight from the toaster and onto the plate,

Horizontal and any which way -

Whack on the butter and marmalade:

A sloppy approach to the start of the day.

The idea of it all in a line,

All vertical and serried in ranks,

It’s just too orderly for my taste,

We don’t need it on parade – no thanks!

Life’s too regimented as it is,

Without starting the day so formal,

So keep the toast-rack in the cupboard,

Chill out, and carry on just as normal!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 28th October 2018

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 28^th October 2018

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

1.      A D-Town resident used the excuse of being pissed in the pub to break the town’s vow of silence of exactly who had got the girl from the paper-shop in the family way.  He was named as the bloke that goes in the café on the Brittox every Friday morning.  The man in the pub claimed that it was in the public interest for everyone to know.  The man in the café, meanwhile, denied any wrong-doing, and claimed that the girl had sworn she was 17 at the time of the “encounter”.  No aspects of the truth were harmed in the making of these statements.

2.    And people farting in the street have twice been warned to cease operations for 24 hours after sensitive equipment registered earth tremors measuring nearly 0.05% on the Richter scale.  The controversial technique of farting involves ejecting gas (and sometimes liquid) at high pressure through an anal sphincter, in an attempt to remove carbon and other deposits.  The Green lobby have condemned farting, and called for an end to the human contribution to the emission of greenhouse gases. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

An Angel On The Bus

An Angel On The Bus

We were getting worried about Grandma, a widow, who’d long been left all alone,

She was getting more and more forgetful, and seemed to be in a world of her own.

But she was a determined old lady - we didn’t want her being put out to grass.

Then one day a new vista opened up, when she got hold of her first bus pass.

She took to it like a duck to the water, and used it to voyage about all over.

Soon she was a frequent traveller, and became known as the “Off-peak Rover”.

Her confidence picked up, we noticed, and she became increasingly keen.

When we asked her to tell us about it, her features became calm and serene.

“You see,” she said, “I’ve had an encounter, about which it’s not seemly to boast,

But on the Ninety-Seven last week, I ran into one of the Heavenly Host.”

Now we thought this was pretty unlikely, and knew that Grandma was liable

To be somewhat over-impressed, by things she’d read in the Bible.

We asked her what she was talking about, what on earth was making her so happy,

But, suspecting that we doubted her word, she became all defensive and snappy.

She said she’d seen an Angel on the bus, a Close Encounter of the heavenly kind,

He was just sitting there all on his own, and she’d been so near, on the seat just behind.

She could have reached out and touched him; to his collar and the hairs on his neck,

And she trembled in her joy and elation, as she sat there, high up on the top deck.

His figure was picked out in silhouette, and about him there was a sunny aura,

At least that’s how it looked at the time, as she’d remarked to her friend Dora.

He had a special and ghostly presence, his aroma made her feel slightly faint,

But there was one further thing that clinched it, the proof that he was truly a saint.

She was a woman of faith and belief, she didn’t need to have her flames fanned,

But it was right there in front of her, truly this Angel sat at God’s right hand.

She knew that she would have missed this vision, if she’d been travelling by cycle,

But there it was clearly, on the label, in bold, curly letters – “Saint Michael”.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Beneath The Surface

Beneath The Surface

There! Near the reeds, on the far bank

A sinuous, slow movement

Languid and lazy

A suggestion of a dark shape, a shadow

Beneath the silvered surface

The shimmering pond-water

Implacable, cold, lily-covered

Under a slow-warming sun

Its midge-infested meniscus

Disturbed by the easy-rising minnows

Conceals a waiting presence

Snout, and focused steady eye

Belie the beating gills and waving tail

Needled fins and razored teeth

Lie in silent patient deadly wait

Inside a green and grassy cover

Until it is time to strike

To kill and eat

Before disappearing

Back into the depth

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018

Beef with Brown Ale & Horseradish Dumplings

Recipe for: BEEF with BROWN ALE & HORSERADISH DUMPLINGS

Ingredients:

·        3 tblsp plain flour

·        2 tsp English mustard powder

·        1 kg/ 2lb 4 oz beef shin or braising steak cut into large chunks

·        50g/ 2 oz lard

·        2 large onions, peeled & sliced

·        400g/ 14oz whole small Chantenay carrots

·        2 tsp Worcestershire sauce

·        1 tblsp mushroom ketchup

·        550ml bottle brown ale

·        2 large thyme sprigs

·        2 bay leaves

·        2 beef stock cubes

·        200ml water

·        For the dumplings:

o   175g / 6pz self-raising flour

o   75g 2 ½ oz suet

o   2 tblsp thyme leaves

o   4 tblsp strong horseradish sauce

Method:

1.      Heat oven to 160C fan

2.      Tip flour, mustard powder and seasoning into a large plastic bag

3.      Add the meat and shake well to cover each piece

4.      Put half the lard into a heavy, lidded casserole dish

5.      When hot brown the cubed meat in batches, setting aside in a bowl

6.      Heat remaining lard, then add onions and cook until lightly browned

7.      Return the meat and juices to the pan

8.      Add carrots, Worcester sauce, ketchup, ale, thyme, bay, stock cubes and water

9.      Gently bring to the boil, cover with lid and transfer to the oven

10.   Cook for 3 hours or until meat is very tender, stirring occasionally

11.   Turn oven up to 180C and quickly make the dumplings

12.   In a bowl mix flour, suet and thyme

13.   Season well and add the horseradish

14.   Add some water a few tblsp at a time, mixing until dough comes together and doesn’t stick to the bowl

15.   Divide dough into 12 and roll with your fingers into small balls

16.   Remove lid from casserole, put dumplings on top and return to the oven (uncovered) for 25 minutes until dumplings are cooked and golden

What else you need to know:

1.      Serve with mashed potato &green vegetables, or champ