Everything Is Completely Under Control

(Everything Is) Completely Under Control

Everything here is completely under control

So you mustn’t panic or worry

There’s no need to rush or to hurry

No need to get into a flurry

In fact I’d like to contradict the allegation

That there even is any “situation”

 

I’ve been very careful myself

So I’ve put my medicines on a very high shelf

Out of the reach of children

And kept the plastic bags away from the babies

So there is no danger of suffocation

Or imminent self-immolation

From the use of flammable materials

(Not that it’s at all immaterial)

 

I’ve read the warnings on the packet

About allergens and side effects and all of that racket

I’ve read through all the instructions

Before commencing construction

I’ve turned off the power before disconnecting

And done a risk assessment before erecting

I’ve removed any possible confusion

And avoided the risk of electrocution

 

I’ve used the contents before the Best-By-Date

And so that I wouldn’t become late

I kept the contents sufficiently cool

(You can’t take me for a fool)

And consumed within two days of opening

 

I’ve kept up my mortgage repayments

It has to be confessed

So my home has not been repossessed

I’ve declared everything I had to do

That to the best of my knowledge is true

As a false statement could de-bar

Any future claims on the car

 

To retain my complete safety is my goal

I don’t want to end up in a hole

Mister Health & Safety’s my role

Yes, everything here is completely under control

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

Gooseberries

Gooseberries 

Asking every time I go to her house

To find out whether the time is right

If the season has yet come round

When we can start the picking

 

Grandma cautious of the damage

That may be done to little hands

Finds the fabric gloves inside the shed

And finally gives the go-ahead

 

The thrill of impending danger

From the vicious scratching thorns

Hiding beneath the leaves of shiny green

To find and pluck the precious fruits

The light-green downy orbs

To fill the waiting basket

And emerge triumphant

Unscathed and only slightly scratched

 

Then Grandma hard at work

To top and tail the little beauties

Dredged in caster sugar

And hidden beneath the pastry crust

Of the pie we shall have tonight for tea

Then to commit the rest to jars and jams

That we might enjoy them longer

Bursts of luscious fruit in deep mid-winter

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

 

Easter

Easter

Is there a reason why it’s called Good Friday?

Why shops are closed

And there are restrictions

On what we may buy

Or where we may be permitted to go?

 

Is there a reason for the Easter Bunny?

Or for the sales of chocolate eggs

And special cards and flowers

Through marketing campaigns

For this Public Holiday?

 

And why does everything have to stop?

Simply because a man died upon a cross

In Palestine two thousand years ago

Up there upon a hill

Alongside common thieves?

 

And why is it a moveable feast?

To fall upon different dates each year

Determined by the modern Church

To suit some liturgical calendar

And yet fit snugly round a week-end?

 

And why these restrictions on our lives?

Why must we endure this wait

Of three Christian religious days

Before the resurrection

Of normality once again?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

 

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 4th April 2021

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 4^th April 2021

 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      With Covid regulations still in force, a decision was made that the traditional annual Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race could not be held on its usual course on the Thames. Joy was therefore almost unconfined when it was moved to a new temporary course on the K&A canal near D-Town.  The two eights, however, were hampered by the large number of locks which they had to negotiate over the first mile, resulting in broken boats, bent oars and exhausted competitors.  A spokesman for the organisers later admitted that they should perhaps have used the flat water out towards Horton, rather than down the Caen Hill flight of 29 steeply-descending locks.  A decision on next year’s race is yet to be taken. 

2.      However, the staging of an internationally-famous event so close to The Vize, brought out spectators in huge groups of six.  Large gangs of drinkers, with single-use barbecues, lined both banks of the canal, to laugh at the antics of the eights and coxes, molest the nesting swans, scare the fish, and carry out large amounts of littering that they have been prevented from doing within the confines of their own homes.  One spoke of his relief of no longer having to tip cigarette ends, empty lager cans and discarded pizza boxes from his own window, but of now having the freedom to dump this litter across the previously unspoilt countryside. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

 

Grandad's Garden

Grandad’s Garden 

Past the bilberry bushes at the side

Along the narrow path that he has flagged himself

With rough-hewn Yorkshire stone

And up three steps between the rocky flower-beds

Into the larger upper garden

Where he rules his undisputed empire

Out of sight of Grandma

And out of hearing, when it’s time for tea

 

There stands the bunker of his green-house

Heavy-built of brick and iron and glass

Heated by the sun in summer

And by the stove in cooler seasons

With its shed-like little office

The filing done in a dozen pigeon-holes

In tobacco tins and sweet-boxes

Housing his horticultural paraphernalia

Of labels, seeds and bits of string

And, there, hanging limply on one wall

The old certificates, faded firsts

From garden shows of decades ago

 

And down the length of this glass cathedral

Along the apex, twisting through the cross-ties

A grape-vine of indeterminate age

Its curling foliage providing shade for more tender plants

Which every autumn shyly presents

Its modest crop of bunched black fruits

 

Now focussed on his bedding plants

Which he sells to earn a few bob

Just to maintain his life-long hobby

Chatting with his mates, sipping tea

Chomping on his unlit pipe

Then fussing with the water-hungry tomatoes

And, finally, his pride and joy

The prize-winning chrysanthemums

Reds and pinks and whites

Which even Grandma admits she likes

Before she complains about the muck

She says he trails into the house

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

This Bloke I Know Is Jesus

 This Bloke I Know Is Jesus

I used to see him in the queue

Most mornings at the pool

Knew him just enough to say hello

Or pass the time of day

Then, perhaps, during swimming

Or in the changing room later

A quiet, unassuming man

With nothing much to say

 

I didn’t notice much at first

That his beard had begun to grow

To frame his youthful face

Adding to his gravitas

Nor did I pay much attention

As Easter-tide approached

That he seemed pre-occupied

And turned more within himself

 

But then I saw him in the street

Bowed and bloodied

A crown of thorns upon his head

Carrying a heavy wooden cross

A crowd following, shouting

Acting out the Passion Play

And its Good Friday journey

To the Market Place Golgotha

Where he was quietly crucified

Among a staring group of people

 

Three days later he lived again

And stood there in the queue

Waiting for the pool to open

I couldn’t believe it was really him

And that he had come among us

Just a normal day with its Good Mornings

And desultory chat among the regulars

He still looked like no-one special

He seemed to be an ordinary bloke

But now I knew one more thing about him

That he was Jesus in his spare time

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

 

Salmon Thai Noodle Soup

Recipe for: SALMON THAI NOODLE SOUP 

Ingredients: 

• 2 salmon fillets
• 1 portion dried instant noodles
• 1 400ml can coconut milk
• 1 pak-choi (or other greens) sliced
• 125g thai red curry paste (or similar)
• Handful torn fresh basil leaves (optional)
• Chopped spring onion & chillie (optional) 

Method: 

1. Lightly oil & season the salmon fillets
2. Bake or grill 7-10  minutes until cooked through
3. Meanwhile put the noodles in a bowl and cover with boiling water.  Leave for 5 minutes
4. In a large pan heat the curry paste for one minute
5. Add the sliced green veggies and cook for a few minutes
6. Add the coconut milk and warm through
7. Add the basil, if using
8. Add enough water to give the soup/ broth the consistency you want
9. Drain the noodles and add to the pan and warm through
10. Decant the broth into warmed bowl(s) and top with the cooked salmon
11. Garnish with chopped spring onions & chillies (optional)