Night-time Navigation
I hope you won’t mind me telling you this, but there’s
something I have to confess:
I’ve got this disembodied voice that I hear, but where it’s
coming from - I simply can’t guess.
Sometimes, whilst I’m sleeping and dreaming, (that is to
say, this happens during the night),
Being of a certain age, you see, I often find that my
bladder is tight.
I find I have to get up for relief, and I desperately need
to get to the loo:
I’ve got to find the bathroom quite quickly, in order to
do what it is that I’ve got to do.
But as I disentangle the covers, I cannot but observe
it’s pitch black,
And if I were to wake up the old lady, she’d surely give
me a smack.
I’m half asleep, and I can’t really see: in fact, there’s
no sort of landmark,
So I have to find my way to the toilet, without the aid
of a lamp, in the dark.
That’s where my automatic pilot comes in: as I quietly slip
out from the bed,
Through many years of custom and practice, I can hear the
voice speaking inside my head.
“Go forward four
paces, then turn to the left, carry on - right to the end of the wall,
Exit carefully into
the next room, and be careful that you don’t fall!”
“Proceed three
steps, and the toilet you’ll find: you are located before the loo station,
Now stop! and
switch off your engine - you have arrived at your destination!”
It’s curious I can do this whilst asleep, I think it’s
just a gift that I have.
I’m thinking of selling on the idea – perhaps Tom Tom
could market it as “Sat Lav”?
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