Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7th July 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Following its landslide victory in the polls, the new Labour government has already started work by appointing its first ministers and holding its first Cabinet meeting on Saturday afternoon. The benefits are already beginning to flow – the weather has been better (Summer will be nationalised in the first session of Parliament), England have reached the Euro semi-finals, and in a major local boost to the economy, The Three Crowns have knocked 10p off the price of pints of their three main sellers – Undrinkable Draught Lager, New Fizzy Craft Bollox, and Old Knobstrangler. The Mayor of D-Town has placed an early telephone call to congratulate the new Prime Minister, but has been informed by the girl on the No. 10 Switchboard to get lost.
2. The local poll returned a Lib-Dem for the first time in nearly 100 years. The previous Tory majority of over 16k, held by a large turd with as blue flag planted in it, was over-turned completely. The turd, aka Michelle Donefor, refused to comment after the result was announced in the early hours of Friday morning, although her aides were quick to blame Nigel Farrago’s Gammon Reform party, communist plotters, Count Binface, the long queues at Greggs on Thursday afternoon, the bloke swigging lager in the Market Place, and the very slow service at the Cosy Café. Ms Donefor is thought to be considering her future, but is likely to want to spend more time with her money.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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