Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 7th June 2020

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7^th June 2020

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

                                              

1.      Local bus companies have risen up in protest at the Council’s decision to impose 14-day quarantine on anyone arriving in the borough by bus.  They have said that not only will it destroy the local travel industry at a stroke, but will also impose a disproportionate penalty on individual travellers, since no-one (no matter how sick) really deserves to be stuck in D-Town for that amount of time

2.      Whilst on the subject of closing the farm-building’s aperture after the equine has escaped, the Council has also brought in several other helpful measures, including the banning of burning heretics at the stake, forbidding lynch-mobs to string up litter louts, compensating sporting venues for loss of income due to the cessation of bear-baiting and dog-fighting, furloughing workers in the buggy-whip making industry, and limiting the wearing of full knight’s armour (especially chain mail) in public.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Kindling

Kindling

Many years ago

I saw your blackened face

As it shone by firelight

With beads of sweat

Streaking whitened paths

Through the sooty grime

As it dripped into your beard

You stood above the flames

Your features darkened

By shadows flickering

Tending to your bonfire

Watching the orange fingers

Leafing through the pages

As they turned them over, one by one

And burned them fiercely

Within the conflagration

The blasphemous words

Dangerous thoughts

And heretical teachings

Within those banished books

Made easy fuel for flames

Mere card and paper

Covers and bindings

Consumed within the smoke

Rendered down to ash

So that none might read them any more

But now your brow seems furrowed

As you wonder what to do

With all this glass and plastic

Metal and electronica

Casings and batteries

Of phones and iPads

And other hand-held gadgets

That will not catch alight

Nor burn with any purpose

This digital economy

Its airwaves alive with anarchy

Downloaded through the ether

A seditious cyberspace

That cannot be controlled

A communications spectrum

That provides its own oxygen

Requiring nothing else to Kindle

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Turning Into My Own Father

Turning Into My Own Father

It’s of little use

I can see it all now

The mirror does not lie

I find myself looking at a man

That I do not recognise

Yet is alike, and who looks vaguely familiar

Although I cannot quite place him

I’m sure he is not a stranger

The fullness of his face

The receding hairline

Ebbing back above his brow

A distinctive pattern

That I know from photographs

In the sepia tones of generations

Dark and hooded eyes

Look back towards me

Posing unanswerable questions

Full, fleshy uneven lips

Thickening jowls

Jaw-line set heavy

And the slackness of muscles

Etch long, deep lines within sagging skin

And tell a story of their own

Unblinking he returns my stare

His face unreadable

Implacable and calm

But tired, deadly tired

As if this may be the last time

That he will stand so still

Allowing himself to be inspected

His features so exposed

Under the unforgiving bathroom light

And at last I am forced to look away

No longer able to hold his gaze

Nor to make the excuse

That I am too busy

To spend more time

On this sad reflection

And I am left to wonder

If his eyes will continue to follow me

Around the room

Long after I have moved away

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Pasta with seafood, garlic & chilli

Recipe for: PASTA WITH SEAFOOD, GARLIC & CHILLI

Ingredients:

• 125g pasta per person (spaghetti, linguine or whatever)
• 100-200g cooked seafood person (prawns, white crab-meat, unshelled mussels, squid rings)
• 1 lemon, juiced
• 50g butter
• 2-3 tblsps olive oil
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled & very finely minced or crushed
• 1 red or green chilli, finely chopped (or to taste)
• Small handful fresh herb e.g. parsley or coriander, very finely chopped

 Method:

1. cook the pasta in boiling water  according to the instructions on the pack so that it is al dente.  Rinse it in boiling water, then stir in 1-2 tblsps olive oil to stop it from drying & sticking
2. meanwhile cook the sauce – melt the butter and 1 tblsp oil in a saucepan
3. add the garlic & chillies & stew gently for a few minutes
4. add the cooked seafood and most of the herbs.  Warm through for a few minutes, adding the lemon juice
5. bring the pasta and the sauce together, mixing carefully to distribute the seafood evenly
6. serve in warmed bowls, sprinkled with the rest of the herbs & a few grinds of black pepper

 What else you need to know:

1. serve with a bowl of freshly-grated parmesan cheese for sprinkling over

Cat's Cry

Cat’s Cry

How your crying disturbs me

Makes me sit up and take notice

And listen to your distress

To your prowling round the room

Snuffling among the shifting shadows

Along the edges and into deep corners

Seeking something that is not there

And that you will never find

The pitiful, lonely sound

That mewling tone

Of existential angst

That smacks of fear and desperation

And catches at my pity

Snags on something

That makes me want to comfort you

To tell you that it’s alright

That I’m always here for you

But you do not understand me

When I try to soothe you

My words of comfort carry no sense

In your feral feline world

And soon the frenzy passes

Back into forgetfulness

And you resume your normal cool indifference

As you suddenly cease to enquire

Into the meaning of your existence

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Fifty Shades Of Gravy

Fifty Shades of Gravy (a modern romance)

How long have I loved thee my dearest? – Probably since I was but a mere child,

But the merest thought of devouring you is sure to be driving me wild!

‘Cause this is a very ticklish subject, and I don’t like to seem naughty or coarse,

For we’re talking about that sticky stuff, which posh people refer to as “sauce”.

I hate it when things are too watery - to have it like that is surely a sin -

It needs to have some kind of substance - it serves no purpose if it’s too thin.

It just slips off all over the place, and everything starts sliding around,

It doesn’t keep the right things together - you need something thicker, I’ve found.

You see it has to have the right texture, and about this I know I’m quite picky,

But if it doesn’t have enough body, it’ll never stand up and be sticky.

Without it, things just won’t move along, and you’ll be left wondering why,

And if it’s not adequately lubricious, you’ll find everything tends to be dry.

Such lack of lubrication’s a problem, and can render you exceedingly grumpy,

‘Cos what you don’t expect, when you get down to it, is for it all to feel terribly lumpy.

And if the flavour’s not tasty enough, it can leave you feeling quite queasy,

For the last thing you want, at this juncture, is something that’s oily or greasy.

It’s got to be configured just right, for the appetite it needs to induce,

To bring forth great oral pleasure, you must have plenty of juice!

No, you can’t have it too firm or too runny - such liquid upon you I just wouldn’t foist,

But something for the meat and two veggies - it’s best to have everything flowing and moist.

Yes, the moisture derives from the meat, it’s what you need, if you’re to have dripping,

The jus and the fat come together, and it’s like on nectar you’re sipping.

Of course, I speak not of jelly, but of gravy, made with Oxo, Bisto or browning,

Where on your plate there’s an ocean or lake, and the roast spuds are waving, not drowning.

So, I appeal to you ladies out there, if you want something that’ll cut the mustard,

Make sure you’ve got plenty of gravy, and avoid shark-infested custard!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

A Taxing Problem

A Taxing Problem

Times is tough and money is short;

It’s hard to know what to do;

The creditors keep asking for payment,

Especially the Inland Revenue.

But now there’s something that’s bothering me,

It’s difficult to know where to start,

‘Cause some people have hired accountants,

And made tax-avoidance into an art.

It’s all done through complex company structures,

Where they shift all their profits off-shore,

Paying far less than they really oughter,

And making out that, really, they’re poor!

The Yanks seem to be especially cute,

Hiding their earnings in crannies and nooks.

I’m talking about Google and Amazon,

And especially about Starbucks.

But they’re not the only ones in the game,

Who seek for their taxes to minimise,

By shifting their trading operations,

And their sales figures to disguise.

It might all be technically legal,

But morally, ethically, it’s not right.

It’s time that we did something about it,

It’s time for us all to put up a fight!

These corporations can afford to pay tax,

If they want to trade here in our market.

It’s time they made the right contribution –

Otherwise, we should tell them where they can park it!

They’re earning millions and billions,

Selling us books, DVDs and coffee.

The Government seem powerless to act,

And can’t spot the loopholes for toffee.

So let us consumers lead a fight-back,

Let’s see how much spending power we’ve got;

Time to vote with our purchasing choices,

And hit them with the tactics of boycott.

I’m fed up with being taken to the cleaners,

I’m almost at the end of my tether,

And I swear I’ll belt any Conservative,

Who tells us again that “we’re all in it together”!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020