But It's OK

But It’s OK

Yes, that’s mine, the one with the engine running

Won’t be a minute, then I’ll be gone

Sorry about blocking the way through

But it’s OK – I’ve got my hazards on!

 

Yes, I know there’s two kids in the back,

My girl Jocasta, and the baby’s Yvonne

They’ll be alright just for a few seconds

I know – because I’ve got my hazards on!

 

I’m only slipping in to Costa for a latte

It’s no use arguing with me, John

It might be on double yellow lines

But it’s fine – I’ve got me hazards on!

 

It’s way too far from the car-park

There’s no other spaces – absolutely none

Look - I’m in a rush and I’m busy

Can’t you see? – I’ve got me hazards on!

 

My personalised number shows I’m important

And a lot wealthier than you are, Ron!

There’s little chance the wardens’ll get me

No chance – not with me hazards on!

 

Well just get your head round it then

I’m untouchable – that you can depend upon!

I can put my Chelsea Tractor where I please

Just get used to it – cos I’ve my hazards on!

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 30th October 2022

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 30^th October 2022

 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      An exciting week for D-Town as several well-known, if not much-loved, characters from the recent past of the Town Council spontaneously regenerated themselves, thus ensuring another chapter in the long-running saga of Dr. Who?  Despite suffering complete electoral oblivion only a few days or weeks ago, these time-lords appear to have the power to take on new forms, and to induce in their fans almost complete memory loss as to their previous words and actions.  They will form a new governing body, named Transport and Accommodation in D-Town’s Infrastructure  Systems (TARDIS). 

2.      And citizens are still coming to terms, yet again, with the twice-yearly shock of the clocks changing.  Going back by one hour has, once more, arrived as a completely unexpected event for some people, despite the fact that they can remember with unerring accuracy the dates for Halloween, Bonfire Night, Black Friday and Christmas. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022

 

Do I Have To?

Do I Have To?

Do I have to come out of Lockdown?

I’d just got used to being all on my own

Everybody else is going out again

And there’s nobody left for me to phone

 

There’s lots of inoculated people out there

They think they’re safe and acting all gung-ho

They’re sitting outside and drinking

And hugging everyone that they know

 

But I’ve got into a new routine now

Changing my habits just doesn’t seem right

Planning my whole evening watching TV

And going to bed early each night

 

Now I’m feeling a new anxiety

Having to make decisions about where to go

Being stuck in the house was so much easier

And I think I’ve got back my symptoms of FOMO

 

The whole adventure looks risky to me

No-one’s bothered about face, hands and space

I’ve got used to shouting through the letter-box

Not sure I’m yet ready to leave the old place

 

I’m told that deaths and infections are decreasing

Apparently the “R” number is going down

But to be honest - I don’t give a toss for statistics

So I think I’ll just stay here on my own!

 

Life under Lockdown was so much simpler

When we had no freedom to roam

So lock me back up, and throw away the key

And – please! - force me to stay home!

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022

 

Not Yet

Not Yet 

There will come a time I know not when

That I can no longer roam abroad

And walk through fields and paths

Along beside the old canal

The brewery, the castle and the town

But – please – not just yet

 

There will come a time in future years

That I can no longer leave the house

Nor cook nor clean nor anything

Nor do things for myself

That I would wish to do

A situation I could not bear

But – I hope – not quite yet

 

There will come a time sometime soon

That I can no longer make it to the pub

And sit among the friends I love

Nor chat nor joke nor buy my round

Nor enjoy good company

And lose the only reason

That makes life worth while

But – for pity’s sake – not yet

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022

Vegetable & Ham Rostis

Recipe for: VEGETABLE & HAM ROSTIS 

Ingredients: 

·        250g carrots, peeled & coarsely grated

·        250g swede or parsnip, peeled & coarsely grated

·        1 small onion, peeled & coarsely grated

·        2 eggs, beaten

·        1 ½ tsp wholegrain mustard

·        150g ham, coarsely shredded

·        2-3 tblsp oil

 

Method: 

1.      Blanch the veggies in a pan of boiling water for 2 minutes

2.      Drain & squeeze out as much water as possible

3.      Tip into a bowl to cool

4.      Mix in the onion, mustard, eggs, ham and seasoning

5.      Heat oil in a frying pan and when hot drop in heaped tablespoonfuls of the mixture

6.      Gently but firmly press down in the pan

7.      Fry for 2-3 minutes until golden & brown on the bottom

8.      Flip over & cook the other side for 2-3 minutes

9.      Fry in batches so as not to over-crowd the pan

10.   Drain on kitchen paper & serve hot with a tangy dip

Clickety-click

Clickety-Click

Clickety-click the bingo-caller shouts

To the room of hardened punters

A phrase that needs no translation

But he does it anyway

A number that, on its own, has no importance

Only insofar as it relates to many others

As everyone hungrily seeks to complete their Line

Or looks to fill their House

 

This Mecca for devotees

Absorbs the scores on the doors

Coming now in fast succession

In a rapid rolling random ritual

Where no-one takes the time to look up

Or to notice any number above the next

 

We’re all in the Top Rank now

Where soon it’ll be Sunset Strip

Then, before you know it, Two Fat Ladies

And finally Top of the House

Before the winning cry goes up

And, subject to checking,

Another session’s done and dusted

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022

Two Billion Seconds

Two Billion Seconds

Two billion seconds is a lot

A number too hard to handle

To manipulate with any confidence

But once you carve it up a bit

Apply the rules of long division

It soon reduces to something normal

 

Two billion seconds takes a while to pass

To measure by the ticking clock

The steady clicking of the hand

Especially if you’re watching

But once you look away

It’s going faster than you think

 

Two billion seconds may represent a life

Or at least a massive chunk of one

Once you’ve translated to years

And with it comes the knowledge

That there’s a chance you might reach three

But you’ll never get as far as four

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022