Nonsense
Here’s a short passage which
makes (reasonable) sense in this day and age, but which would have been
complete unintelligible nonsense in 1975.
Saw this amazing ad last night on Sky. I was
watching on the HD flat-screen in the lounge, but I had to go
out, so I finished on the tablet.
Been having trouble with my iPhone because the 4G coverage
round here is rubbish, and there’s no WiFi hot-spots either.
That’s what you get with Orange and EE!
Anyway, this ad was for this amazing new App that
recognises tunes when it hears them. Any
CD or DVD, or you can even be watching a film on Netflix,
and it’ll give you the name and artist within seconds. Didn’t know how that could work so I Googled
it, and it was true. Found it all
explained on Wikipaedia. Seems the
App’s online 24/7 to some database in the Cloud. Don’t even need broadband! Then I found some guy using it on YouTube! Amazing!
Decided I just had to have it, but it’s not available on iTunes. Found it on Amazon, but some guy was
selling it cheaper on eBay. Only
trouble was it was a crappy Windows version, and I really wanted Android. I mean Apple and Microsoft are
OK, but so expensive! And their
software! The hackers and spammers
are all over it. I’ve got everything I can to fight that stuff - spam-filters,
anti-virus, anti-Trojan, firewall – you name it. Anyway, I managed to download it OK in
the end. He wanted bitcoins, but
I don’t have any, so I managed to use Euros via Paypal.
I thought it was really neat, so I let Sarah know about
it on Facebook. But she wasn’t
interested. She just wanted to bang on
about her new mobile. She’s
chucked the Blackberry now and got herself a Galaxy. It’s a SIM-only, pay-as-you-go deal –
it comes with a huge bundle of minutes and SMS texts, and she gets free data-roaming! Usual story though – needs yet another charger
and different USB connector to her old one.
She’s on the bloody Web all the time now, posting selfies
with Instagram, and Tweeting every few minutes. Don’t like Twitter myself. Can hardly get a word in edgeways. Think I’ll have to pretend to be a stalker
or one of those Internet trolls, just to put the willies up her. I’ll just set up another social media id,
follow her, then start PM’ing her.
Keeps it anonymous. Not like email,
because apart from your userid (which is a bit of a giveaway), they can
trace your IP address, and pinpoint your exact location through GPS. Need to be careful, or I’ll end up with an ASBO!
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