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Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Rhymes In The News

Rhymes In The News – (Hey Diddle Diddle)
Cutlery Couple Forced To Return Home
Police and Child Protection Officers have become involved after a young couple from the kitchen area were discovered to have absconded without permission.  Angry parents (a Mr & Mrs Ladle) have claimed that the Dish, who was a year older and who hailed from the less-fashionable area of Crockery, had persuaded their daughter, a younger spoon from the Cutlery group, to run away with him after a protracted period of “grooming”.  They were said to be heart-broken, after having paid huge fees for their daughter to attend a top cutlery-drawer establishment.

The young couple were known within kitchen circles, despite their different backgrounds, to have been quite friendly, but knives and forks (who were part of the same silver service) had been unaware that the couple had begun to engage in spooning activity.

The couple were finally tracked down in a holiday resort and theme park known as Nurseryland, after they had spent two weeks on the run, living on their parents’ credit cards.

A local dog, who had witnessed the elopement, said ‘it’s a bit of a laugh, isn’t it – a bit of sport?’

A quantity of hallucogenic drugs were recovered from the couple’s luggage, after they claimed to have seen visions of a large feline playing a violin and a cow attempting to vault over the moon.

And in other news:

·         A young girl, believed to be a milk-maid, sitting eating an all-dairy lunch, was frightened away, when a large arachnid, so far unidentified, sat down beside her.
·         An elderly gentleman had to be removed from the local pub, when he became over-rowdy.  He was arrested for being drunk and disorderly, after he insisted on smoking a pipe within licensed premises, and loudly shouting out musical requests to the resident band, consisting of three violins.
·         And Police were also called to a scene of domestic violence, when a Mr King assaulted his own son, whom he called a knave, when he discovered that the boy had stolen a number a jam tarts, which his wife had recently baked.  The father was warned as to his future conduct, and the son escaped with a formal caution after he returned the stolen items and vowed not to steal again in future.


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015

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