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Sunday, 16 August 2015

News From Bromham - Sunday 16th August 2015

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – Sunday 16th August 2015
                                             
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

1.       A Bromham villager, who is now long deceased, has been accused of various historical sex offences.  Ed “Strange-boy” Piglet was a real village character.  Although born a male to a happily-married carrot-picking family, Ed always insisted that he was a girl.  He insisted on being known as Edwina, dressed in female attire, played with dolls and would only associate with girls.  As a teenager s/he took up sewing, knitting and embroidery, refusing all vegetable-picking work out in the fields, in order to concentrate on cookery and home-making.  In a shock announcement, he is now being investigated by several police forces, after an anonymous complainant accused him of being a transvestite and cross-dresser.  In other news, the Pope has been accused of being a Catholic, and several bears have been accused of defecating in the woods.

2.       At the start of a new football season, Bromham Casuals kicked off with their now-traditional heavy home defeat to local rivals Heddington Headbutters. Although striker Dwayne Mooney hit the woodwork in the first half, he was given his usual red card for hitting an opponent in the second half.  Irascible manager, Benny Dogleash, tried out a number of new formations – the diamond, the square, the flat-pack five, and the park-the-bus – all to no avail as the visitors ran out 7-0 winners. Austrian Grand Prix

3.       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015


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