A Cup Of Coffee
Dragging round town is a thirsty business -
I can’t manage shopping for toffee -
So I popped in to one of the chains,
Cause I needed a large cup of coffee.
I don’t think that it’s too much to ask,
Just to go to the counter and order a drink,
But it’s a whole lot more complicated these days:
It’s a lot tougher than you’d ever think!
Now I don’t count myself as too stupid,
And I think I can make an intelligent choice,
But it was hard to give a straight reply,
In answer to that pre-pubescent voice.
“To drink in-house or to take away?
Piccola, media o grande?” she said.
What the hell was she talking about?
What was she doing to my head?
“I’ll just have a…. coffee,” I
ventured,
“With no sugar, and some cold milk.”
This puzzled the young till-puncher
Who referred to the board and all of that ilk.
“Mocha, Flat White or an Espresso?
Americano, Latte, Cappuccino?
Café Caramella or a Hot Chocolate?
Macchiata, or Frappuccino?”
Can I have a coffee, with milk please….
“Chai latte or Mocha Cortado?
Iced Risretto, with Raspberry Sauce?
Iced Tea, or Belgian Chocolate Cooler?
With Vanilla, or Cinnamon of course?”
Just a coffee….
“I want to know which milk would you like:
Is that Skinny, Medium or the Full Fat?
We also have soya, almond or cream?
Which one do you want out of all that?”
Just ordinary milk….
“And what temperature would you like it?
Fridge-cold? quite hot? or all silky steamed?
In the coffee? on the side? iced or just frothed?”
She looked at me and she beamed.
I don’t really know…
“And there’s the topping to consider:
Fruit sprinkles or hazelnuts roasted?
Chocolate, cinnamon or gingerbread?
Or even marshmallows all toasted?”
Really….?
“How about an extra shot for a change?
Summer Fruit Punch or a Piccino?
Play with flavours, the foams and the finishing
Or can I tempt you to a Babyccino?”
I’m not sure…
“It all depends on how you like your caffeine:
Velvety smooth or all rich and thick?
All dressed and drizzled – it’s your choice -
Our Five-Star Barista knows every trick!”
Er, look….
“You must understand our philosophy:
To Freetrade Independents we’re quite bound,
And Rain-Forest Alliance producers,
Of single-estate beans, simply roasted and ground.”
“To give you a hand-crafted beverage,
Of artisanal dexterity and thence,
Whilst within our establishment,
A total bean-to-cup experience!”
I have to admit this whole “concept” had me beaten,
I felt that I’d run right out of luck,
I muttered “No Thanks” and fled from the shop,
And went for a pint in The Old Dog And Duck.
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