Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 19th May 2019
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
Once again D-Town covered itself in musical glory in
the annual WiltshireVision Song Contest, held this year in the exercise yard of
Erlestoke Prison (Doris Day Memorial Wing).
After a few lacklustre performances from has-been rock-stars including,
in one case, the brother of the bloke who used to be the drummer in
Showaddywaddy, the contestants from all over the known County gave it their
all. The D-Town entry was sung by a
recovering meth-addict discovered busking in the streets, a Mr Alf Resco. Unfortunately, his rendition of “Don’t Cry
For Me Our Theresa” was deemed to be making a political statement on Brexit,
and was therefore disallowed on a technicality.
However, that “nul points” allowed D-Town to come last yet again, and to
claim a new World record for most consecutive last places.
2.
And in a drastic clampdown on personal behaviour, and
what may be seen as a return to out-dated Victorian principles of moral
rectitude, D-Town Council has just voted to ban people having sex every
alternate Tuesday night. The offence,
punishable by public humiliation in the stocks in the Market Place, and
forfeiture of any Tesco Clubcard points, is intended to be strictly enforced by
a special force of Nookie Agents, reporting directly to a Nookie-Finder
General. Further moves are expected next
week when a range of offences, including spitting, loitering, littering and
having an offensive wife, are expected to be punishable by death. Or else a really strong telling-off.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
No comments:
Post a Comment