Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 2nd February 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. History
was made on Friday night at 11pm when D-Town finally seceded from the WU (Wiltshire
Union). Parties and protests were held
throughout the borough, but the most sombre ceremonies took place in the Market
Place when the Wiltshire flag was formally lowered and burnt, followed by the
raising of the D-Town standard (a picture of the Corny Bin, with crossed swords
and boxer shorts rampant). Within the
next few weeks the first border control points will come into force, together
with the issue of blue passports and the establishment of deportation
camps. Onwards and upwards, what ho!
2. A
specially-chartered bus carrying the first D-Town citizens to escape from
disease-riddled town of Trowvegas arrived in the borough late last night under
cover of darkness. Strict security and
public health measures were put in place to prevent possible contamination
spreading into The Vize, including requiring the victims to drink a whole pint
of Wadworth 6X (one of the most antiseptic and taste-free substances known to
the world of medicine). The victims were
then taken to one of the town’s Wadworth pubs, which possesses a completely sterile
atmosphere, for two weeks’ isolation and monitoring.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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