Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 20th December 2020
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Last week’s hopes of being able to emerge from the Lockdown as the Covid 19 vaccine was rolled out were dashed again this week, as it was revealed that a new strain of the virus (locally known as Gotcha!) has begun to spread. Accordingly the Town Council; has now announced a new 27-tier system of lockdown, and The Vize will go into Tier 13b, subsection v, sub-sub-section 3 from midnight. No mixing of households will be allowed, bringing cheers of relief from the Collective of Hen-Pecked Husbands, saved at a stroke this year from having to endure Christmas dinner with their outlaws, weird cousin Sarah, dribbling and racist grand-parents, and their step-mother’s new squeeze.
2. A stricter regime of enforcement has also been announced. Apart from Covid-finder Generals, inspectors and tactical armed police squads, there will be road-blocks, intimate body searches, and a wide range of permits and licences. Snipers will be posted on rooftops to pick off those citizens who dare to venture out without the right documentation. Searchlights and gun batteries will be positioned to shoot down any attempted escapes by air, and the canal will be patrolled by the police submarine. All the tunnels under the town will be guarded. Strict rationing of turkey twizzlers, Pringles and pot noodles will be introduced. The mayor then wished everyone a Merry Christmas.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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