This Toilet Is Out Of Order

 “This Toilet Is Out Of Order”

The note was quite simple, but ambiguous –

a statement of fact, or merely an opinion?

Was it not working, or had it simply gone too far? 

Was it un-functional, or had it overstepped the mark?

Apologies are all very well for having no loo,

but when one’s desperate, what should one do?

Not just number one, but also number two?

 

Like someone from Eastenders,

it’s easy to say “leave it – it’s not worf it!”

But if bladder and bowels are holding a surfeit

Of matter that needs to be voided,

the lavatory can hardly be avoided!

 

I had a new thought, and it were this:

it made me wonder what else may be amiss,

What else had failed in ability,

to work well within that facility?

Because you see,

apart from spending one pee,

It’s not just the WC,

what else could there be?

Had the wash-basin gone down the drain? 

Was the bidet running hot and cold? 

Was the bath too full of itself?

And as for the shower,

should we just draw a curtain over that?

I was not a loofah to any of this,

I didn’t want any flannel,

Nor anyone to give me the soft-soap treatment.

I was completely awash with emotions,

as I stood there, outside of the Gents:

I just hated to be flushed with such disappointments!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022