Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 1st January 2023
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. With the cost-of-living crisis in full swing, D-Town’s New Year celebrations this year were understandably more muted than usual. Following a round of halves of shandy in Wetherspoons (buy six, get a seventh free), a civic banquet of pickled eggs in packets of cheese & onion crisps was served outside on the picnic tables in the Market Place. Speeches were held, after which some of the local unruly yoof were ceremonially dipped/ thrown into the fountain and their hoodies removed. On the stroke of midnight, through a constant downpour of drizzle, a sole sparkler was lit and waved in the air to spell out “2023” as the crowd reluctantly mumbled the few words of “Auld Lang Syne” that they could still remember.
2. As today is New Year’s Day, but also a Sunday, tomorrow, which is a Monday, will now be stepping in to play Sunday, and will therefore be a Bank Holiday. Everything will be shut today, and will be shut again tomorrow. The day after that is Tuesday, but won’t be a Bank Holiday, because Monday will have already done that (in place of Sunday, remember?). That means it should be bin day, but it won’t be for Tuesday bin-day people, because that will now need to be on Wednesday. Tuesday WILL be bin-day, but not in the normal way, only for people who are Monday bin-day people, because they won’t have had a collection because Monday was a Bank Holiday. It’s all quite simple. Things should be back to normal by April, when it will be time for Easter, when there will be more Bank Holidays to bugger everything up again.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023
No comments:
Post a Comment