Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 25th February 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 25^th February 2024

 Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Several streets in D-Town were closed yesterday as police and army technicians struggled to contain the threat of explosions.  The milk-float had been parked for several days in bright sunshine, and it was feared that several bottles of semi-skimmed were about to blow.  After sealing off the vehicle and carrying out a risk-based cheese-making assessment, the decision was made to detonate the deadly cargo in the waters of the K&A canal.  Although several curds were formed, the police managed to get the dangerous liquid a-whey safely.  Had the yoghurt blown, it was feared that nearly £7-worth of damage might be caused. 

2.    Following the utter chaos in the Council chamber on Thursday when politicians from both sides attacked each other, representatives from both Israel and Hamas have appealed for peace and a negotiated settlement.  Also the US Defence Force and the Iranian-backed Houthis have called for calm, but also offered to send weapons in an attempt to bring the wrangling to a final solution. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 11th February 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 11^th February 2024

 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Following the lead of the English FA, D-Town Academicals have decided to adopt the new disciplinary system in all their Anusol (North) League fixtures.  Any player guilty of dissent or threatening behaviour will be shown a blue card and sent off for 10 minutes.  Spitting will attract a green card and 15 minutes, bodily assault a purple card and 20 minutes, and for the worst crimes of diving (or other cheating), a black card and 30 minutes.  

2.    And, during the week, it became known that the chap who lives in the Big House on The High Street is poorly. The exact type of poorliness was not disclosed.  He is expected to be more poorly before he gets better, although his expected course of treatment has not been announced.  His poorliness is not thought to be related to the undisclosed minor illness he had the week before.  His daughter-in-law is also said to be poorly, but with a different undisclosed condition altogether.  The man let it be known that the good wishes of the town’s population has been a great comfort to him, and that he was only too happy to be so transparent and public about his poorliness. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024