Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 28th April 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Finally, after many weeks of “Council ping-pong”, civic tennis, and corporate croquet, a local by-law was passed which will allow people arrested for drunk and disorderly offences in the Market Place to be loaded onto the last 49 service of the night to Swindon. A bus company has now been found that is prepared to run the service, and huge amounts of “finance” (aka slush money) have been paid to Swindon council to allow the transfers to take place. The whole issue was held up for several months when the local judiciary declared that Swindon was “not a safe place”. Whilst this has always been self-evidently true, and no-one would ever voluntarily want to go to Swindon, for the purposes of the new by-law, Swindon has now been declared to be a land flowing with milk and honey.
2. And howls of protest have been issued by D-Town FC, and some of the even lower-league local clubs, to the news from the FA that in future there will be no replays in the First Round of the FA Cup proper. Whilst none of the affected clubs have ever reached that far in the entire history of the competition, it was felt that an important principle was at stake. Memories were evoked of the famous 6th qualifying round of 1897 when TrowVegas Tremblers were held to a 0-0 draw by local favourites Caen Hill Casuals. These two amateur sides then spent over six months and 15 replays to finally decide the tie, Caen Hill finally emerging victorious. In the next much-delayed 7th qualifying round, they were then defeated 36-0 by a bunch of blokes from The King’s Arms in Poulshot.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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