Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 5th May 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Following Russell Brand’s “totally sincere” conversion from Buddhism to Christianity, and consequent baptism in the River Thames (a true case of a shit within the shit), it has been revealed by a local newspaper hack that when the moral pariah lived in D-Town in one of his previous many lives, he had previously converted from toe-rag to twat-face, from narcissist to self-publicist, and from utter plonker to absolute knob-head. The Pope is said to be so disgusted by the news that he is thinking of converting from Roman Catholicism to Methodist Fundamentalist. And at least one colony of bears has refused to enter the local woods.
2. And people partied in the streets of The Vize almost up until the 9.30pm curfew, as they celebrated a swing of almost 0.0001% in the voting for local Police Commissioner, returning a Tory candidate for the 347th time in a row. In a record turnout of almost 11% the role was retained by the Tories, snatching victory from Labour and Independent candidates by almost 7 votes. If this result were reflected in the anticipated upcoming General Election, the good people of D-Town will be electing a turd with a blue flag sticking out of it.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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