News From Bromham - Dateline Sunday 11th November 2012

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – 11^th  November 2012

Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

·       The Chief Executive of Bromham Broadcasting Corporation (BBC), George Wetmywhistle, resigned from his role last night with immediate effect. He claimed that, in an interview the previous day on Carrot FM, John Humpty-Dumpty had made him look like a complete idiot, a bungling fool, and to have had no idea what was going on.  He felt it was unfair for him to be expected to know what was being broadcast when he was already down at the Wounded Ferret getting bladdered with other key BBC executives.

·       And in a narrow contest, which went all the way to the barbed wire across the top of Farmer Piglet’s gate in his North field, Barack Piglet finally won the Presidency of Bromham Parish Council for another four years.  Mitt Piglet, the defeated candidate, is thought to be considering his future in politics.  This is thought to have been the most expensive contest in history, with more than seven rounds of drinks having been bought in the Wounded Ferret in the past two weeks.

·       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012

Leopard

Leopard

A shout and then a scramble

Engines revving, jeeps reversing

A finger points toward the tree

There, there! - up on the branch

Cameras snapping

Binoculars focused

Jostling for position

To get the clearest sighting 

There, there! – reclining

Relaxed and lazy

Dozing through the day

Conserving energy till drowsy dusk

And night-time hunting

A fearsome predator in the dark

Stalking killer

Silent assassin

Striking without warning 

Calm and camouflaged

Spotted, sandy, black

Among the shimmering leaves

This shy, retiring cat

Elusive at noon-time

Yawning, revealing razor teeth

Blinking yellow, slit-like eyes

Which gaze, bored, at his admirers 

Lithe and muscular

His deceptive power concealed

Hidden in his restful pose

A paw casually hanging down

Towards the ground

Awesome in his beauty 

And as the sun sinks low

Burning into the horizon

Casting long shadows

The nervous herdsmen

Move their lowing cattle

Inside their flimsy compound

Away from night-time danger

And stare after the retreating jeeps

As they roll away, back to camp

Amid rising clouds of dust

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012

Remembrance

Remembrance

On the eleventh day

And at the eleventh hour

In a cold and wintry November

We choose that very moment

That specific time

At which we will remember 

At the moment of the Armistice

When the big guns ceased to fire

Memories that will never cease

Thinking of those poor Tommies

Forced to fight for King and Country

In pursuit of lasting peace 

Now at that lumpen marble stone

The whitened Cenotaph

Gather men in darkened suits

Wearing poppies on sharp lapels

Holding rounded, heavy wreaths

Within the sound of marching boots

The sombre tolling of Big Ben

A minute’s empty, windy silence

The Last Post sounding clear

Thinking of The Fallen

Blood spilt, lives lost

In many lands, both far and near 

Respect for those departed

Who laid down their lives in war

Red and white flowers on this Sunday

But soldiers coming home

Face a daily battle

Like how to cope with Monday

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012

Ashes Are Burning

Fungus

A slow progress through the countryside

Breeze-carried through the air

Whispering, a gentle breath

Infection, invisible and insidious

Creeping, hidden, unseen movement

Bringing disease and certain death 

A tiny fungus, just a spoor

Microscopic, beyond perception

Multiplying, growing quickly

Inside the branches and the leaves

Spreading, covering its victims

A landscape dying, wheezing, sickly 

Trees ailing, falling, humbled

By the contagion in the country

Cut back, thrown upon the fire

A forest with holes in, open to the sky

The ashes slowly die back

And burn fierce upon the pyre

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012

Chicken Tagine with Squash or Apricots

Recipe for: CHICKEN TAGINE(with squash or apricots)

Ingredients: 

• 2 large chicken breasts, skin on, cut into 2/3 pieces each (or use thighs)
• 2 tblsp olive oil
• 200g/ 7oz shallots or onions
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled & sliced
• 4cm piece ginger, peeled & grated
• 1 tsp cumin powder
• 1 tsp coriander powder
• 2 small cinnamon sticks
• 1 tsp ground ginger
• Large pinch saffron threads
• Pinch chilli powder
• 375g/ 13oz butternut squash, peeled & cubed (don’t use sweet potato – too soft) OR 100g dried apricots, halved if large
• 500ml/ 18 fl oz chicken stock
• 1 rounded tblsp clear honey
• 2 tblsp fresh coriander, roughly chopped

Method: 

1. heat oven to 180c/ 160C fan/ gas 4
2. season the large chunks of chicken
3. heat oil in flameproof casserole, add chicken skin-side down & brown all over in hot oil
4. remove from pan & set aside
5. add shallots/ onions & brown all over
6. add garlic & grated ginger, cook for 30 seconds
7. add all spices & cook for 60 seconds
8. add butternut squash (if using, or omit this step) & stir to coat in the spices
9. arrange chicken pieces on top of onions/ squash
10. pour over stock, then drizzle in honey
11. bring to gentle simmer, then put lid on casserole & put in the oven
12. bake for 10-15 minutes, then add apricots (if using these instead of squash)
13.  turn heat down to 150C/ 130C fan & cook for further 30 minutes
14. just before dish is ready, stir in most of fresh coriander, reserving a little to scatter over as the dish is brought to table

What else you need to know: 

1. serve with a bowl of couscous.  There should be plenty of liquor in the tagine to lubricate a lot of couscous.

 

News From Bromham - Dateline Sunday 4th November 2012

Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline – 14^th November 2012

Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:

·      The campaign for the Presidency of the Bromham Parish Council will reach its climax this week, with voters right across the village expected to produce a very close finish between the two candidates.  The two hopefuls, the sitting President Barack O’Piglet, and his Challenger, Mitt Piglet, in the last week of campaigning, spent the week criss-crossing the borough in their tractors, shouting at each other, and trying to attract the swing voters.

·       Police raided a house in the village this week and arrested a man by the name of Freddie Piglet, as part of their investigation into humour abuse.  Mr Piglet was arrested on charges of, on at least one occasion in the 1970s, having been a comedian.

·       For details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station Carrot FM.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012

A Few Limericks

There was a young girl on a Honda,

Whose time on the road turned her blonder.

It might have been sun,

As she rode quickly along,

But just what did it is beyond her.

There was a young man of Tashkent,

Whose tool was exceedingly bent.

To save himself trouble,

He put it in double,

And, instead of coming, he went. 

There was a butch lass named Grable,

Who liked to sup pints when she was able.

It gave her no fears,

To knock back the beers,

And she could drink most men under the table. 

There was a young man in Singapore,

Who found washing a bit of a chore.

He thought taking a shower

Was just for the flowers,

But his friends could only say “Phwoar!!” 

There was an old lady named Rogers,

Who lived among some very old codgers.

She spent all her money,

Which ain’t very funny,

And now she’s taking in lodgers. 

There was a young chap, name of Darren,

Whose life became increasingly barren.

He felt very strange,

So he had a sex-change,

And now we all know him as Karen. 

There was an old git named Andy,

Who became increasingly randy.

He came across a sheep,

Which was soundly asleep,

And thought: “Cor blimey – that’s handy!”

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012