To Explain The Rules Of Cricket

The cricket season is now under way (didn't you notice rthe terrible weather?) so I thought that it was time to explain the rules of the game.

Playing The Game

We’re all very friendly here, you’ll find, we’d like you to join in with our game.

There’s just a few very simple rules: to misunderstand would be such a shame.

First you must dress in the correct rig: shirt, jumper and flannels all white,

So you can be seen out there on the green - anything else just wouldn’t be right. 

It’s quite safe, but you’ll need precautions: helmet, bat, pads and a cricketer’s box,

Cause the bowlers can bowl pretty sharpish, and the ball is as hard as a rock.

Now first you go ”in” and stand at the crease - your main job is not to get “out”,

And if you manage to hit the ball, run to the other end with a heck of a shout. 

There’s another chap “in” at the same time, so try not to get in each other’s way,

Keep crossing in the middle as you run, and try to keep batting all day.

It can be fraught if you get caught, and your hands can get pretty sore.

Don’t be lumped with those that get stumped, and don’t be trapped Leg Before. 

It can get rich, out there on the pitch - it’s flat, there’s no grass and no clover,

But you needn’t have doubt, you’re not given “out” even when the umpire shouts “over!”

If you’ve been bowled, you’ll surely be told, by a mad bowler who’s pitching short,

By a fat porker sending down a plumb Yorker, or a daisy-cutter that’s caught. 

Don’t be yielding to athletic fielding, and remember: Third Man’s theirs, Twelfth Man’s ours,

Better get wise to no-balls and byes, then keep your bat straight for hours and hours.

Ride on your luck and don’t go for a duck, stroke it through the covers with care,

Don’t do a dance when you get your second chance, and on no account go for a pair. 

Try to bestride, out on the leg-side; beware Gully, Point and Silly Mid-on,

And if the ball nips through to their Slips, they could enforce the Follow-on.

They’ll be vermillion, back there in the pavilion, if you don’t watch the bowler’s arm laden.

A spinner or seamer, or left-arm dreamer, could easily bowl over a maiden. 

You have the right to ask for the light, or get them to shift the Sight-Screen.

You can be curt, or even retire hurt when the pickings have become rather lean.

When at your best, you can take a short rest, by holding up the non-batting end,

And when you cut free, the game stops for tea, and if it rains, the game they’ll suspend. 

Your skipper might be a nipper, but he’ll be daring and never be scared.

You might be still out there and swinging, but you might find the total’s “declared”.

Have not a doubt, you’re now clearly “out”, and you’ll find that you have to yield.

It’s now time you tried to bowl out other side, and start your session out in the field. 

Sometimes it’s seen, that weather can intervene, so Duckworth-Lewis is brought into play:

It sets up new targets for scoring - how it works, really no-one can say.

But that only catches the very short matches: - it would never do for a Test score.

It’s the only game one plays for up to five days, where the result can still be a draw. 

So there you go, there’s little more to know, you’ll pick it up pretty quickish.

It says everything about our nation; it’s the key to being British.

At the end of every inning, if you’re still winning, or if you’ve taken every wicket,

Your own eleven will be in Wisden’s heaven, and you’ll finally understand cricket.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012