How We Know It’s Nearly Christmas
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Advent calendars and all of that -
The turkeys are getting very nervous,
And the ducks and geese are getting fat.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Sudden sightings of Santa and his pals,
In every shop and department store,
And sightings of elves walking round the malls.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Markets flooded with celebrity tomes,
Men disappearing into their lofts,
And putting light-bulbs on the outside of homes.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
A frantic, nervous spirit intervenes,
And though the weather’s overcast and grey,
The store displays show only snowy scenes.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
There’s a wealth of special treats and sights,
A sudden burst of German markets,
And D-List celebs switching on a few lights.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
For the non-religious it’s slim pickings,
A bizarre interest in ghost stories,
And everything dressed up to look like Dickens!
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Transport timetables fall into a mess:
They’re offering special bargains,
And there’s a discount sale at DFS!
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
We’re told that children are all a-glow,
There’s a nasty outbreak of tinsel,
And everything’s covered up in fake snow.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Of comfort and joy there must be tiding,
We’re on constant loop tapes of Slade,
And men called Noel are going in to hiding.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
There’s lots false jollity and ho-ho-ho,
There’s satsumas and brazil nuts everywhere,
A man dressed as Santa sits in his grotto.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
TV channels devoted to hard-sell,
Closing and posting times are all different,
Every ad is accompanied by sleigh-bells.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
We’re all exhorted to be of good cheer,
Everyone’s searching for good presents,
And check-out girls wear reindeer headgear.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
Trees on the pavement, discounted games,
Book early for your Summer holiday,
And men wearing make-up, dressed up as dames.
How we know it’s nearly Christmas?
The Marketing machine’s telling its tale.
Anyway – I’m off round to Tesco’s:
Their Easter eggs have just gone on sale.
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