Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 27th September 2015
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. The
red carpet was rolled out in Bromham this week for some senior bloke in the
Church of England. He was shuttled from
event to event in a “bishop-mobile” and was met at Bromham International
Airport by Parish Council leader Dave Wentwrong. However, a somewhat discordant note was
struck when this celibate man, who was wearing a dress, embroidered slippers
and a rather dodgy conical hat, attempted to preach a sermon to the massed
crowds. However no-one turned up, so he
had to settle for a couple of senile dogs walking down the High Street. His
theme was about the sanctity of married life, the sin of contraception and the
crime of abortion. The dogs could not
afterwards be found for comment.
2. Extra-ordinary
stories emerged this week as the unauthorised biography of Dave Wentwrong was
serialised in the Bromham Bugle. The
articles by Lord “Squealer” Piglet lifted the lid on the earlier life of
Wentwrong when he was still a student at Bromham Polytechnic back in the
1990s. Piglet alleged that the leader of
the Parish Council was involved in sex-games involving baler-twine, smoked
illegal carrot-root, and on one occasion placed a part of his august anatomy
inside various farm animals. It is not
stated whether the carrots or the animals were either alive, or were harmed
during this process. The animals could
not be traced for comment.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2015
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