Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday
8th October 2017
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The
annual meeting of the Torpid, Rather Indifferent & Politically Evasive
party (TRIPE) in the public bar of The Mangy Mongrel in Haemorrhoid Street was
thrown into uproar when its less-than-charismatic leader, Teresa Green,
developed a terminal case of consumption right in front of the delegates’ eyes
and promptly died on the spot. Paramedics
did not rush to assist, as they were on strike at the time. The leader-in-waiting, Doris Bonce-on, was
inspecting his fingernails at the time, and failed to notice that his leaderene
had collapsed into a fatal decline. A
TRIPE spokesman later welcomed the return of Victorian values and illnesses,
such as consumption, typhoid, diphtheria and rickets, and noted that it
demonstrated that TRIPE policies were finally working.
2. Meanwhile,
in the real world, following the overwhelming referendum vote by the people of
The Vize to break away from the central control of Wiltshire, the Town Council
is planning to announce its move to complete independence next week. The central authorities, based in distant
Trowbridge, are expected to declare the plan constitutionally illegal, and to
move Tory storm-troopers into the town to restore order, and to take back
control.
3.
For
details of these and all other Devizes stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station D-Town F-Off.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2017
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