Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 8th July 2018
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The nationwide
shortage of CO2 has had its effect in The Vize.
Citizens have been forced to drink water, real fruit juice and proper
craft beer in place of unhealthy carbonated fizzy drinks. This has led to an outbreak of what doctors
in the town are calling “health” and have advised worried patients to eat an
increased amount of Cheezy Wotsits, Frazzles and Quavers in an attempt to increase their intake of E-numbers, artificial
colours and additives.
2. And citizens of The Vize
continue to dream their dreams.
Apparently “Football Is Coming Home” (whatever that means), and Social
Services have already begun preparations to find adequate affordable housing
for the poor mite. With England
progressing to the semi-final of the World Cup for the first time in 28 years,
football fans have been restlessly roaming the streets, trying to understand
why they are feeling “happy” and not (yet) in the pit of despair, as is their
usual four-yearly cycle. As one citizen
commented – “it’s really hard. Is not
the despair of defeat that kills you, it’s the hope that we might actually win
something.” No Welsh, Scottish or Irish
people were available for comment.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018
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