Manopause
I thought I’d better get on and take action, to counter
the loss of libido and sterility,
Between my mid-life and Alzheimers, and to get back some signs
of virility.
So now I’m a Man Behaving Badly, re-stating what it is to
be male -
I’ve started learning guitar and the uke, and I’m growing
hair for my pony-tail.
The mountain-bike is on order and, ‘cause I don’t want to
look like a Charley,
I’m going to get me a motor-bike, which (what else?), must
be a Harley.
That’s what I’ll ride in good weather, but I’ll need
something cooler (of course!),
So I’ve been round to the dealers, and I’ll soon be
driving my Porsche.
I’m having my ear piercing tomorrow, to show you all that
I’m one of the few,
And to complete the picture, next week I’m getting a
lurid tattoo.
Then I’ll wear my baseball cap with pride, pulling it
down low over my eyelids.
(I might have to get some work done there, but I’m
determined to get down with the kids).
You see it’s not all testosterone and Viagra, and I say
this without any compunction,
There’s other ways than hormone treatment to ward off
erectile dysfunction.
No – the hot flushes and flashes, the irritability and mood-changes
can wait -
There’s a lot more to be worried about, like the parlous state
of my prostate.
I may be losing my hair and my marbles, gradual decline
may be a part of the story,
But I’m determined to hang on to my manhood, and go out
in a grand blaze of glory.
You see some of it may be biological, but it’s
psychological, to tell you the truth,
I’m a grumpy old man, sporting a fake tan, and I’m trying
to hang on to my youth.
So you can all look at me and laugh, as you sit there
with your slack jaws,
But I won’t be the one who’s declining - I’m off to
defeat the Manopause.
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