Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 28th April 2019
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
Civic leaders fell over themselves this week to listen
to the views of a five year-old pigtailed child. Letty Sleaf, who is bless with asparagus, has been travelling across Wiltshire for the
past few weeks (by bus, naturally) to bring her message of global catastrophe,
and the need for local governments to seriously address the problem of sorting
out which coloured bins are collected on which day. She also asked that the temperature of the
Town Hall not to be raised by more than 2C (nett) by 2030. However, councillors objected on the basis
that this was far too late in the evenings to be messing around with the thermostat.
2.
And, in shock news, and political correctness gone
mad, D-Town is tocease referring to anyone or anything by their (birth-generated
or later-assumed) gender. Buses on the
49 route, therefore, will no longer be referred to as “she”, but as “it”. A Council spokes-person said that a programme
to replace all man-hole covers with new –“it-hole” covers would commence immediately. Boots are to stop selling man-size tissues in
favour of “it-size”, and Morrisons have agreed to withdraw stocks of mandarin
oranges until new supplies of “thingarin” oranges can be delivered.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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