Extreme Tidying For Beginners
Some people can live right on the edge
In a minute-by-minute existence
With possessions that are rife
But not me and the wife
It’s the path to married strife
Not for us an ad-hoc approach to life
No - we’ve lifted ourselves right out of that zone
Our lives have taken on a new tone
We’ve ascended to a higher plane of being
And with minimalism we’re agreeing
We’ve risen above chaos’s curse
We cannot imagine anything worse
Yes - we’ve taken orderliness to heart
Made a completely new start
And adopted the Ancient Yorkshire art
Of extreme tidiness
For the true key to life is perfect alignment
Each object must have a specific assignment
With a right place for every single thing
Where empty space and straight edges are king
Using the power of re-positioning
And the discipline of re-purposing
We allow nothing to clutter the floors
And we’ve removed all of the doors
Our books are now filed alphabetical
Disorder is completely antithetical
To be haphazard would be heretical
The quest for inner cleanliness is clear
And self-purification we hold dear
Now we have nothing to fear
We’ve sublimated our souls to Ikea
The science of feng-shui is our creature
Surplus possessions are no longer a feature
Mind over matter is our only teacher
You cannot imagine the shock
The self-flagellation that would block
The critics that would mock
To humiliation we’d be in hock
In the event that we found…. a stray sock
No – that way to shame and self-loathing lies
Focused meditation makes us wise
The road to tidiness lies in that guise
The Zen of self-improvement cannot be disguised
Everything not wanted - we sell
Our chakras align and gel
We’ve escaped from our living hell
Our lounge resembles a monastic cell
Our home is almost an empty shell
The house is totally enchanting
Exceptions to our rules we’re not granting
We’re calm, not panting and ranting
The seeds of doubt we’re not planting
And we end each day with joyful chanting
From what you have heard
It must have occurred
That order is to be preferred
And that Joy is our watchword
The wife and I make an excellent team
And I know it may seem
That we’re severe and extreme
In pursuit of our dream
But now that every possible thing has been tidied,
We’ve formulated a new scheme –
We’re going to make the garden gleam!
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