Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 4th October 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Thoughts
and prayers are with the Leader of D-Town High Council at this very difficult
time, as he was rushed into the town’s Infirmary by milk float on Friday,
suffering from several symptoms of a hangover.
He and The First Leaderette are receiving several advanced and
experimental treatments including injections of bleach, liquidised ox-liver
meals, and four-hourly lineament massage, together with a full Anusol
regime. The Leader has tweeted from his
hospital cot that, whilst his eyes are still watering somewhat and he has come
out in night-sweats, he is sincerely hoping to escape from leave
hospital as soon as possible.
2. As
the prospect of C*******s being cancelled due to C***d becomes more and more
likely, D-Town local t****y farmers have been thrown into confusion as to what
they should do with all the 30+lb birds currently strutting around their
farmyards. Ideas so far have included
sales & marketing campaigns to persuade several families to “share a bird
to help out”, asking frozen food manufacturers to up their production of t****y
burgers and twizzlers, or exporting the over-sized birds to the USA where C***d
is (as is well known) to be “fully under control”. To meet American tastes the farmers have even
offered to bathe the slaughtered birds in a warm chlorine bath, and to stick
Old Glory flags into the cavities in time for Thanksgiving.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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