Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 4th July 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Citizens around town have been celebrating Independence Day by spurning and reviling anything deemed to be vaguely American. Boycotts of American fast food chains were toasted by consuming Italian pizzas, Greek kebabs, Indian curries, Chinese chow mein and good old English fish and chips. However, people with Apple i-phones and i-Pads were caught in a dilemma as to whether these devices were the products of a greedy and reprehensible US capitalist behemoth, or the results of successful start-up Far Eastern economies in Taiwan, Vietnam and the Philippines, where they are actually made. Shops and off-licences reported a fall-off in sales for Coca Cola, Pepsi and Budweiser, even though these products have been made in the UK since Jesus was a boy.
2. And late last night, the celebrations of football fans rang through the streets. D-Town Casuals upset all the odds and won their first knock-out match in a major competition for 125 years. They reached the second round for the first time in the club’s history by defeating old enemies Trowvegas Tremblers from the much-feared Germolene Welt Wilts (South) league. The score after 90 minutes, and a further half hour of extra time, was locked at 0-0. Casuals had been lucky to have scored even nil at that point, but came out on top by winning the penalty shoot-out 77-76, which in itself took more than two hours. Even then Casuals only won when the Tremblers’ keeper Willie Eckerslike finally fell asleep whilst supposedly guarding his own line.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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