Dyin’ to Try It (or Tryin’ to Diet)
A Dieter’s Resolution is a
terrible thing,
But losing some weight is a
must.
My clothes no longer fit me,
And I’ve started to develop a
bust.
Diets always begin on a
Monday,
But my belt has tightened a
notch.
These trousers are now
killing me:
They’re way too tight in the
crotch.
I’m now counting calories the
day long,
Went to Weight Watchers last
night.
But the lack of nourishment
is taxing:
I’m dying to just have a
bite.
I’ve tried all types of diet
it’s true:
The F-Plan, the Atkins, the
Hay,
But I’ve still got a fat
belly,
And that’s why you’ll hear me
say:
Chorus - Lord knows I’m tryin’ to diet:
Please
don’t let me be obese.
But
I’m still dyin’ to try it,
So
just hand over the cheese.
I’ve tried taking pills &
supplements,
But they just left me feeling
weak.
I even tried the old whiskey
diet,
And I lost three days just
last week.
But the weight it just won’t
drop away,
And I can feel the strain on
my heart.
And when I tried the Cabbage
diet,
Well – it just forced me to
fart.
My thickening waist-line is a
real problem,
One that I don’t know how I’m
to beat.
I get more lonely &
hungry,
And then I just want more to
eat.
I start to have dreams &
then visions,
As plates of food pass in
front of my eyes.
Pastries & pasties &
cakes of all sorts,
And fish & chips, and
savoury pies.
Chorus –
Where are the cream-cakes,
the puddings & buns,
The chocolate, the gravy
& foods of great cheer?
The sauces, the tarts, and
the roast pork?
I’d give anything for a few
pints of beer.
The images swim in front of
my eyes,
And my fingers tremble &
fumble.
I’ve a case of terrible
cravings,
And my stomach has started to
rumble.
So have pity on me, all of
you there,
To see me cry, to see me
unmanned.
If this goes on any longer,
I’ll be trying a gastric
band.
And as you feel your arteries
hardening,
And tuck into your meals
tonight;
Think of me in dieting agony,
And say with me in my plight:
Chorus –
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