Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 24th October 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. After seeing the number of new Covid cases rising in the local area, D-Town Council has decided to take decisive action by following a graduated series of plans to alleviate the level of contagion. Plan A is best summarised as “fingers crossed, wait and see what might happen, hope for the best”. If that doesn’t work, move to Plan B (back to face-masks, working from home, compulsory social distancing, rationing toilet rolls & pasta). Then Plan C (close everywhere that anyone had any intention of going – pubs, clubs, dogging sites etc). Then Plan D (bomb Trowvegas, The Sham and all surrounding villages – not because it will slow infection, but just for the hell of it).
2. In the meantime, we have to save the planet. Accordingly a new scheme to replace gas boilers with a cold, empty space will be introduced. All forms of gas, oil, fossil fuels and even electricity are polluting and destroying the atmosphere, and so will be banned. People will only be allowed to heat water (and their houses) by burning piles of twigs in gardens and fireplaces. The twigs MUST have been gathered in an environmentally-conscious manner by licensed artisan twig-gatherers, transported in horse-drawn carts to twig distribution centres and sold for burning on a purely barter basis. Organic and free-range twigs will attract a premium.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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