Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 2nd January 2022
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. And once again the town has out-done itself with respect to awards in the New Year’s Honours List. Seymour Dicks, pornographer, has been awarded the Duke of Edinburgh’s Wink-Wink Medal for services to the money-laundering industry. Polly Amorous, exotic dancer and python charmer, receives the Queen’s Special Medal for erection services. And the little people have not been forgotten either. Connie Lingus, 97 and almost blind, has been awarded the Green Cross for managing to cross the High Street three times in the past 12 months without getting herself run over. Well done to all three – you make us proud!
2. In his review of the year, the mayor praised many people for their services to the community during 2021. These have included troops stationed along the disputed border with Trowvegas, bus-drivers running the daily gauntlet of machine-gun fire as they attempt to manoeuvre their vehicles towards the Badlands of Swindon, and the town’s child-catchers in their thankless task of trying to round up the area’s feral rug-rats in order to try and get them vaccinated against the Omigod variant.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022
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