Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 30th January 2022
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Viewers of DAFT (Devizes Area Film & Television) channel were treated to the unedifying spectacle of local superstar A-Dull apologising for the cancellation of her one-night residency of the back room of the Gobspitters’ Arms pub last Tuesday night. With make-up and snot coursing down her botox-filled face, the singer and performance artiste confessed that her show simply “wasn’t ready”, despite nearly thirty minutes of rehearsals. Her crew (basically her heavily-tattooed boyfriend Vince) had been struck down by a three-day hangover, and was unable to carry her gear into the pub for her. The number of ticket-holders, described as “a round number”, was unknown so the position on refunds could not be clarified. However Gary, who drinks most nights at the pub, said he’d stand a round to any of her “fans” who dared to turn up.
2. Meanwhile, the long-anticipated Fifty Shades of Gravy report has been delayed yet again after the intervention of The Nit Police, who are investigating possible cases of wrong-doing. The Gravy Report is the expected end-result of the Gravy Enquiry into possible unauthorised gravy parties held at the Town Hall during last year’s Covid Lockdown rules. Rumours were said to be “jus” what could be expected by a bunch of bureaucrats brought up on school dinners which had featured obscene amounts of custard, lashings of tomato ketchup and bowls of grey tapioca pudding.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2022
No comments:
Post a Comment