Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 9th June 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. D-Town citizens attending the 80th Anniversary of D-Day commemoration were astounded to see the diminutive leader of the Clowncil sneaking away before the service had officially ended and the photographs had been taken. But, in a statement released before the prints had even come back from Boots, the man had apologised for his actions. His statement read “waiting for the photos, I found myself wandering around the Market Place. There, I accidently boarded a bus to a local airfield, where my helicopter was waiting to take me to an ITV studio in London. With the wisdom of hindsight, I now regret my actions. I realise now that I should not have got caught like that, and I apologise unreservedly to members of the Tory party, who may possibly lose votes over this issue. And my flights to New York are now definitely booked for the 5th July.”
2. And in a completely unexpected shock move, a local swivel-eyed gammon has declared his intention to stand as a candidate in the forthcoming General Election. Announcing his campaign with a banana milkshake “shower” at his local McDonalds, Nigel Farrago of The Complete Fruit Cake party stated his new party’s aims and policies. These consist of: allowing ursines to defecate in forested areas, stopping all immigration to Wiltshire, nationalising Greggs, stopping all immigration to Wiltshire, setting up a new border force to patrol the Wiltshire coastline, and (crucially) stopping all immigration to Wiltshire. And, in a coincidence of epic proportions, he also confirmed that his airline tickets for New York are booked for 5th July.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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