Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 16th June 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. It’s that day of the year again when all true British people, and especially those in D-Town, come out on Facebook and admit that they have yet again submitted themselves to another American marketing fad, by wishing their male parent (on the huge assumption that they actually know who this is) a Happy Father’s Day. The ritual is made particularly poignant for those parents who are actually dead, or who wouldn’t know what Facebook was even if slapped them in the knackers with a wet haddock, because they’ll never (tragically) get to read such virtue-signalling posts. Council bin-men working Monday or Tuesday shifts are particularly concerned with the extra work caused by the huge amounts of discarded ties, hankies, mugs with “Best Dad” slogans, beer glasses with crossed golf clubs, socks, and other detritus being dumped into wheelie bins.
2. And the General Erection campaign drones on. All the parties have now declared their candidates and published their manifestos. To summarise (so you don’t have to bother reading or voting or anything): the Greens have promised to nationalise Greggs and to replace all meat-based products with synthetic ground Vegans, the Tories will put taxes down and help all their mates to lucrative PPE contracts and peerages, Labour will put taxes up and make St Michael the patron saint of a remodelled NHS, the Lib-Dems don’t know what they want but have promised to ask people what might be popular, the SNP will sell of the parts of the UK that aren’t Scotland, and make bagpipes compulsory in all schools, and Reform have promised to fight “them” on the beaches and the landing grounds (but on a fully-costed basis).
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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