Faster Baby, Faster

The Government is still considering proposals for an increase in speed limits on our motorways.  I can't see the point myself.  Near where I live the Council is looking, quite rightly, at proposals to LOWER the speed limit on various bits of A-road, particularly where there was a multiple fatality about a year ago.

That's The Limit

As the country slowly goes down the tubes,

And of economic melt-down we read,

The government’s spotted the problem:

Yes - what we’re all lacking is speed. 

Along the arteries of our country,

Of great distances we must be master.

We have to cut down long journey times:

We need to get from A to B faster. 

The Minister for Transport in London,

Has given this some thought quite weighty:

He wants us all to pick up the pace,

And rattle round the network at eighty. 

Roads are the life-blood of the nation,

And it’s slowly bleeding away.

If we can get our hearts pumping faster,

Well - we might just save the day.

We’ve got the green light for the idea,

To use our cars with every function.

We can hit the gas peddle harder,

And scream up to the next junction. 

Personally I can’t see the point:

If I do the same as they all do,

I’ll be just going faster and faster,

To reach the back of the next queue. 

And in the usual round-about way,

There’s surely a down-side that looms:

More unwanted emissions,

More pollution, carbon and fumes. 

But there’s more to this than meets the eye,

The Government’s being quite cute, you know:

It’s about economic stimulus -

The benefits will soon start to flow. 

With so many more deaths and injuries,

And casualties of every grade,

We’ll need more doctors and nurses -

The hospitals will do a roaring trade. 

Insurers will make bigger profits,

Something we need I’m sure you’ll agree,

And the crash-repair garages,

Will be much busier, you’ll see.

The rozzers will rushed off their feet,

Trying their best to enforce the new law,

Rushing around in their jam sandwiches,

Singing their theme-tune: “Nee-naw, nee-naw”.

And when they arrive on the scene,

To find a pile-up that’s still fresh,

With mangled bodies all over the road,

They’ll know what to do with the tangled flesh. 

They’ll call in the experts to deal with it,

To dispose of the guts and blood.

Men dressed in black, with a hearse,

Funeral directors will never have it so good.

And the extra speed burns up the fuel,

So we’ll spend more with Shell and BP.

More profits for the oil giants:

That’s good – I’m sure you’ll agree. 

So, you see, the Government’s removing red tape,

Boosting both Health Service and Police Force,

Providing work for the private sector,

And doing it cheaply, of course! 

That means it’s not a policy that’s green,

But I think they’ve made a good bet.

I can almost hear a voice from the back seat,

Saying: “Are We Nearly There Yet?”

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2011