Here is
our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
·
As
the Archbishop of Bromham formally stepped down on Tuesday at midnight, the
Church was left, technically at least, rudderless. Whilst the convocation of Wiltshire Cardinals
gathers in a Bromham pub chapter-house, in order to elect a new Highest Holiness,
the Archbishop himself was whisked away by tractor, which circled the village
in a final act of homage. After he
reached his retirement pigsty palace to the North of the village, the
Right Reverend changed his shoes for slippers, hung up his crozier for the last
time on the back of the door, and formally broke his seals of office (a set of
silver inscribed vegetables). Later that
evening, the Archbishop Emeritus was found slumped in his chair, having fallen
asleep watching the third box-set of Buffy – The Vampire Slayer.
· In
the exciting Bromham by-election of the same night, the turnout at the polling
booth in the Social Centre reached the dizzying heights of 8%. The by-election was caused by the resignation
of sitting Parish Councillor Piglet Hoom, after finally confessing to the crime
of goat-nadgering, and of trying to get his wife Vicky Hoom to take the rap of
community service. He has been charged
with trying to pervert the course of animal husbandry. The election was won by Peregrine Piglet,
whose Workers’ Horticultural Organisation (WHO) party managed to hang on to the
seat, but with a much-reduced majority.
The big surprise of the night was the strong showing, in second place,
of the Bromham Union for Rural Practices (BURP), who have campaigned for
independence of Bromham from the rest of Wiltshire.
·
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2013
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