An Idiot Abroad

An Idiot Abroad (or the dilemmas of trying to choose a holiday)

I could be gay, with a good holiday,

If there was any point choosing,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

No, not even for boozing.

I’d be keener to be in Kenya,

It’d be neat to go to Crete

No, I just can’t compete.

I could do loads, over in Rhodes,

Or be well fed, while in the Med,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

So I’ll stop home instead.

It’d be bliss, on the canals of Venice,

Or have a nice piece, walking in Nice,

I can’t even afford Greece.

I’d get fresh in Marrakesh,

The streets I’d comb, when in Rome,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

I think I’d better stay home.

I wouldn’t be at a loss, if I went off to Kos,

It’d be a great day in Montego Bay,

But I guess in Wiltshire I’ll stay.

I could take her to Jamaica,

She’d be glad in Trinidad,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

So she’ll only be sad.

I wouldn’t fear her in Madeira,

I’d talk to her in Majorca,

But we can’t even get to Minorca.

She said I was a wanker in Sri Lanka,

Why couldn’t we loll, on the Costa del Sol?

Cos it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

(She’s not always a doll).

I could be ruder in Bermuda,

Or be a dago in Tobago,

But I just can’t afford to go.

It might be finer in China,

I long to be in Hong Kong,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

So it’s here I belong.

It wouldn’t be hell in The Seychelles,

My heart reaches for their beaches,

It’s what economics teaches.

I hear it’s grotty in Lanzarote,

I’d be a goer over in Goa,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

Morale just couldn’t be lower.

I wouldn’t be a charley in Bali,

But I’d be free in gay Paree,

And it’s the World I want to see.

 Just a breather in Ibiza,

Or we could booze on a long cruise,

But it’s not funny, when there’s no money,

There’s just nothing to choose.

So no more of package tours,

My best friend just wouldn’t lend

So it looks like a week in Southend.

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2013