Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 24th November 2013
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1.
Twenty-seven separate enquiries have been
launched into the activities of the Reverend Paul “Cauliflower” Piglet, former
head of the Bromham Collective and Manual Workers’ Bank. Piglet was last week secretly filmed
attempting to buy Crack Kohlrabi and Crystal Carrots from the back of a
tractor. It has subsequently transpired
that, through a ‘sting’ operation conducted by the crusading Bromham Bugle
newspaper, Piglet had earlier been dismissed from his post at Bromham Parish
Council after “inappropriate” images of immature vegetables and unwashed fruits
were found on his laptop computer.
2.
The
village was celebrating one piece of good news, however, after fighting off
strong competition from at least one other place, to being awarded the
prestigious title of West Wiltshire Small-to-Medium village of Culture in 2016. A famous bloke who remembers Bromham, but has
been living in that London for the past thirty years, commented that he was “very
pleased”. Another woman, whose aunt once
visited Bromham on a coach trip in 1987, commented that it would be “a great
boost for the place.” The Parish Council
will meet next week to discuss what the award might mean. No-one is quite sure.
3.
And, finally, police yesterday revealed that
they had finally managed to secure the release of a woman who had been held as
a “psychological captive” by her husband for the past thirty years. The woman does not have an iPad, nor a mobile
phone, and has never heard of broadband or the Internet. Whilst she shares this appalling catalogue of
deprivation with many other villagers in Bromham, police said that the case was
almost unique in their experience, because the woman had not been out to the
cinema in all that time either. Her
husband has taken refuge in the back bar of The Wounded Ferret, and was not
available for comment.
4.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2013
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